


NOSTALGIA

by AwesomeAnu



Category: Original Work, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, Confusing, Crack, F/M, Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied Sexual Content, Kidnapping, M/M, Magic, Major Character Injury, Multi, Music, Polyamory, Screenplay/Script Format, Typos, Witches, honestly it's just really weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:08:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 46
Words: 24,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25616383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwesomeAnu/pseuds/AwesomeAnu
Summary: Taehyung is kidnapped one day by a man with a mysterious third eye. It's pure chaos from then on out.Seriously this is just a pure crack fic in script format. Read if you want to be amused and confused.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Park Jimin, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Min Yoongi | Suga/Original Male Character(s), Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin, Kim Taehyung | V/Original Male Character(s)





	1. A warning from the authors

///NOSTALGIA //  
written by Dylan Mallory maud dinney and simply anus but mostly mE.  
a seven man show

(authors note* please if you are reading this do not share this information anywhere it is very very important that all the information in this delicious screenplay is kept 100 percent secret otherwise antonio will chop off your limbs and give them to namjoon for decorating his mansion)

I dedicate this screenplay to my long lost aunt named cristiana may you forever rest in pieces of pineapple. I also dedicate this to George Washington for inventing the lightbulb. 

Readers must keep in mind that this screenplay is based on 106 percent facts poirot. Also keep in mind that this takes place in Ohio in 2056.

Enjoy… 

(Other authors note.)

Waddup bitch! It’s anus. I just want to prepare you for what you are about to read. Here is some emotional support.

Also damn did you do something new with your hair? Oh really? Well it’s lookin good today.

I dedicate the parts I have written to big ol’ mike who lives down the road. I know we only saw each other once but you have helped me in more ways than you can fathom(or are legal). Kind of a bummer you died of a heart attack but you were pretty old so it’s natural I guess. I’ll visit your grave later today and read you this screenplay that is dedicated to you. i<3u 

Anyway, (I’ll mold a papa out of you) enjoy?


	2. List of Characters

List of characters:  
Kim namjoon(grape) 25  
Kim seokjin(grape) 26  
Min yoongi (mint)  
Jung hoseok(red)(country accent)  
Park jimin(pink)  
Kim taehyung(curls)  
Jeon jungkook(coconut)  
Dylan (evil)  
Dylans third eye  
Jesus(yummy)  
Ghost one  
Police officer5  
Ghost two  
gf 1/ jessica  
gf 2/ karen  
Lavinia (22 women)  
Snake 1 & 2  
Dr phil  
Antonio (irish)  
Justin beiber(eww)  
Lana  
Anu  
Manjari  
Mr crabs  
Mallory  
Pat sajak  
charlie  
Baby 1  
y/n  
Baby 2  
Jackson wang (20)  
Shoe 1-8  
Hunter  
Celery  
Door  
Unus  
Annus  
Naratour  
Zuko  
Jared  
Billy champlin  
Dick plans  
Rhett  
link


	3. Scene one

Scene one 

(the lights hit a Kim taehyung sat elegantly leaning against a table eyes closed as if sleeping, dylan standing behind him in total silence) 

Dylan: “it didn't have to be like this, you know that, yet you decided not to listen, tisk tisk tisk”  
(for every tisk he steps closer to the man) “i really wished you had listened.”

(the light shut off exept for the glowing red one coming out of dylan's forehead)

End scene


	4. Scene two

Scene two

(lights up on an all pink house, lavinia a 22 year old woman with three arms is in the kitchen of her house. Waiting. She hears a knock at the door)

“knock , knock, ”

(lavinia gets up from her seat to answer the door every step towards the door seems to be super loud)( she opens the door astonished to see Antonio her ex husband standing their)

Lavinia: “what are you doing here antonio? I told you to stay away” (you can hear the heartbreak, sorrow, and anger in her words)

Antonio: “i couldn't just leave you here lavinia, i felt terrible after i cut off your fourth and fifth arm, now you only have three.”

(he sounded honest but lavinia knows that antonio is good at lying, she looks down at her shoes)

Lavinia: “Even if you are sorry it doesn't mean I will forgive you Antonio, you have done a lot worse things to me than cut off a few of my arms. Even if I did forgive you I know you don't want me back, I know you have someone else..”

(antonio looks shocked for a second then he regains his composure)

Antonio: “So what if i do? I couldn't help falling for him, how could anyone ever be that beautiful, you've got to admit that he is fineeeeeee.”

Lavinia: “that's not the point, you've broken my trust. I'm not sure if i can even trust you again… even if i wanted to…”   
(antonio looks down it the floor)

Antonio: “i… I just came here to give you this.”

(he hands her an black envelope with a real red wax seal over it.)

Antonio: “It's from da boss.”

Lavinia: “ok.”

Antonio: “ok.”

(antonio leaves. And closes the door behind him, the lights go to lavinia sanding is the middle of her all pink kitchen. She starts to undo the wax seal on the envelope that Antonio gave her. She reads thru the letter and proceeds to fall unconscious to the floor)

End scene


	5. Scene three

Scene three

(min yoongi, jesus, hoseok, and namjoon sit around a table, the table is filled with poker tokens, monopoly money and uno cards.)

Jesus: “i'm afraid i will have to leave a little early today namjoon”

Namjoon: “why” (voice deep)(namjoon radiates power with his intimidating purple hair and headband)

Jesus: “i've just gotta go check up on that deal i did earlier with dylan” (from his voice you can tell he is terrified of namjoon and hoping he won't get mad) “i promise it really important”

Namjoon: “it better be more important than your last mission” (he says and stars and jesus pointedly) “you know we can't have another mess up like that”

Hoseok: “c'mon man, you know it wasn't 100 percent his fault that he decided to flood that zoo.” (btw hoseok has a country accent, keep that in mind it's important.)

Yoongi: “yahtzee”

End scene


	6. 3.5

3.5

Pat sajak: welcome back to wheel of fortune

Croud: aplausos


	7. Scene four

Scene four

(Lights up stage to a patio of a cafe, Park jimin and jeon jungcock sit at a table at the other table sits their “girlfriends”, gf1 and gf2. They are peacefully talking and arguing)

Gf1: “but Karen, you said that you would do my essay!!!” (she is practically yelling at this point)

Gf2: “and?” (wow sassy jessica)

( lights pan over to jk and jimin)

Jk: “yo brochowski have you seen tae since that parti on tuesday?”

Jimin: “no actually, why do you ask?”

Jk: “i don't know man just got a feelin u know”

(mr krabs enters the cafe with a green tea frapaccknonk in hand. He walks up to the bois and whispers something in jimin ear)(did jk look jealous *shrugs* tbd)

Jm: “jk,” (his face looked worried and nervous) “ive ive got to go, it's important. I swear”

Jk: “is everything ok jimin?”

Jm: “yeah it's just i've gotta go.”

(jimin provides to run out of the cafe his coffee in one hand and mr crabs claw in the other)

Jk: “i always knew he had a crush on mr crabs”

End scene


	8. Scene five

Scene five

(ghost one is sat in a hospital bed, surrounded by dr phil, charlie and police officer 5.)

Ghost one: “owie wowie, when that flood hit me it sure hurted.”

Dr phil: “yeet me daddy”

Ghost one:”Can’t you see i’m in pain? Hoe insensitive.”

(dr phil licks his lips seductively)

Charlie: “uh hoe”

Ghost one: “that probably wouldn’t have hurted so bad if I hadn’t been hit by that elephant.”

Police officer 5: “ sir this is what you get for wearing purple to the zoo on a friday.”

(and there they left ghost number 1 to die.)

End scene


	9. Scene six

Scene six

( the curtains open to a scene, kim taehyung is tied to a chair with rope, bungee cords and human hair.)

(musical song insues, ballad/rap, show motivation also he is evil.)

Dylan:

Tip tap tip tap tip tap tip tap   
I extend my hand, should it open the door  
Should my entrance be grand, should I crawl of the floor  
Will my entrance be threatening, strike fear in his heart  
Or will he chortle at the man that’s me, will he laugh if I fart?  
Oh god let me have one good entrance  
I desire to wow him it’s true  
What if he hears me singing this song   
Outside his door what will I do?  
I should hush  
Hush hush hush  
This is so much pressure, to conceal my third eye  
The weapon i've used, since i was only nine  
I feel lost, and alone, but i need to appease you  
Jesus I’m down on my knees for you  
Did that sound weird?  
I Didn’t mean it to sound strange  
Oh god I’m deranged   
NOW IT’S TIME TO RAP?  
Ever since i was a child i've been bad  
Bad  
I killed my friend and took all they had  
They had  
I was a bad bad boi who grew up to become  
Not to brag but I’m a bit of a chad  
Chad  
Yo I’m evil to the bone, I make all of you moan, let me sit on my throne, now serve me a scone  
Let me bust it down now, yeah check it I’m evil, over you I’ll plow cause your bars are medieval.  
You wish you were me  
You know you do  
I’ll take the scone with tea  
You’re cows so yell moooo  
MOOOOOO  
SHHHHHHHHH  
(spoken) You idiots, taehyung might hear you.  
Now how shall I penetrate this room before me  
I’ll bust down the door, no way he’ll ignore me  
I’m extending my hand to the knob of the door  
I’m turning the knob, wish me luck clown, you whore  
The doors open a crack and-

Dylan: “Oh hello Taehyung, I see you’re awake”

Taehyung: “W-where am I.”

Dylan: “Unimportant”

Taehyung: “What was all that noise coming from outside?’

Dylan: “N-nothing” 

(he proceeds to give Taehyung a menacing face)

Taehyung: “Yeah ok, sounds believabel.”

End scene


	10. Scene seven

Scene seven

(club music is raging at the strip club. Purple lights bangi’n people are dancin n shit like dat. Jin walked through the club doors wearing a 100 percent leather jumpsuit and a pink scrunchy. a snake slithers up to him.)

Snake: “who disss dude” (he says at his other snake pal) “he's walking in hee like he owns this place.”

(jin removes of scrunchy elegantly)

Jin: “cause i do“ (jin is sassy)

(jin motions his bodyguards, lana, and manjari to take hold of the snake. Manjari proceeds to rip the snake's head off. lana does the same with the snake's friend.) 

Jin: “all right partys over, it's 6am go back to your homes.”

(the club starts to empty out as the strippers collect their money)(after a few minute all that's left is a severe amount of trash him, his bodyguards and someone in a chair facing away from him)

Jin: “sir you're going to have to leave the premises”

(the chair whirls around now facing Jin in a very attractive KIM NAMJOON)(jins mouth slightly open stumbles in shock,)(he regains his composure and does a backflip.)

Jin: (bluching) “umm… namjoon what are you doing here.”

Namjoon: “why do you ask?”

Jin: “cause you're sitting here?”

Namjoon: “and?”

Jin: “uhhhhh”

(namjoon raises an eyebrow at jin)

Namjoon: “i have come here to tell you some very important news”

Jin: “but namjoon i hardly know you i've only seen you once in my life, and that was the time you saved my life from that giant octopuss at the train station, after that you only ever said three words to me “i love you” and then you just left leaving me hanging for five years. FIVE YEARS namjoon. That's how long I've been waiting to hear from you, never once with a response, now, five years later you show up in MY club and say that there is something you have to tell me?!! Why now, what's so important.?”

Namjoon: “Umm”

Jin: “yes?”

Namjoon: “i think my ex boyfriend is pregnant”

jin : “gasp…. Wait y do i care”

Namjoon: “i….i was hoping you ummm.. could raise it…”

Jin: “ummmmmm”

(suddenly a fire starts from one of the chandelier)

Jin: “MANJARI, LANA”

(manjari and lana jump up to the top of the 40 feet tall ceiling from the ground using their flippers. They both blow out the chandeliers so that the fire is gone and the provide to die.)  
(their limp dead bodies fall from the ceiling to the ground with a loud ”CREEPLUNCKSHLOWIASCLOMP” and then just lay there crumpled in death.)

(they hear a loud banging sound coming from the door)

“It's da police!!!!” 

(Namjoon grabs jin and then fireman carries him out the door and through the wave of police.)

End scene


	11. Scene bitch eight bitch

Scene bitch eight bitch

(hospital room 420)

Mallory: “so justin why are you getting a lung transplant?”

justin : “screams in pain”

Anu: “oh did we forget to let him pass out before we cut his lungs out?

(mallory sighs)

Mallory: “I think we might have.”

Justin: (dies)

Anu: “oop”

Mallory: “OOP”

(y/n enters the hospital, clearly pregnant and giving birth, breathing deep to keeps her screams in check.)

Y/n: “ahhhhhh Hoo Haa Hoo Haa. please help i’m birthing a child.”

(she/he has brown/blonde/red/orange/blue/green/purple/pink hair and a face/no face)

Anu: “BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!”

Mallory: “this way y/n”

(time skip to 7 mins from then)

y/n: “ow”

Mallory: “wowie that's disgusting”

Anu: “A child should not look like this...all slimy”

y/n: “pow”

Mallory: “pow pow!!”

Anu: “POW! CABLAM!”

(baby shoots out and flies like a bird with rabies) 

Baby1: “mother?”

Baby2: “father?”

(namjoon and jin crash through the wall of the hospital, on a purple and green tricycle/motorbike/atv)

Namjoon: “Fork over the children!”

Jin: “Put them in the bag!”

(He holds out the bag)

( Mallory throws baby1 and baby2 into jin’s bag)

Mallory: “ma spagetti is getting cold, just take the kids and go”

Namjoon: “Aight, thank you madam.”

(namjoon and jin yeet themselves out of the giant hole they made in the 7th floor of the hospital)(namjoon gazes into Jin’s eyes)

Jin: don’t look at me like that, FIVE YEARS, remember?

Namjoon: *sigh* 

End scene


	12. Scene nine

Scene nine  
||| |||  
(o)-(o)  
)  
~U~  
(Scene takes place in an elevator. Mr. crabs and jimin are inside it, jungkook is hanging from the bottom, eavesdropping)

Mr. crabs: “so jimin, i assume you are aware of taehyung’s disappearance.”

Jimin: “yeah i do mr crabs, what do you want me to do about it?”

(he sound angi)

Mr. crabs: “well gee, idk jimin, maybe use your special abilities.”

Jungkook: “special abilities?”

Jimin: “mr. crabs it’s not my fault that i have special powers?! I can’t help the that fact i have fire powers and am invincible?!!”

(jungkook almost dropped when he heard jimin say that)

Mr. crabs: “Look, jimin, i know you do be a lil fiesty, but you have to have a heart. You’ve known Taehyung since you were little. I know about what you used to have together. I know what he has done for you. You can’t just forget him.”

Jimin: “look i was 18 at the time. I was just experimenting, you know it wasn't serious. I couldn't commit to something like that. 

Jungkook, under his breath: “ I see, you could never commit to a relationship with someone like that. A guy. Like me. *cries in koo*”

(after jungkook heard that he dropped from his place on the bottom of the elevator, heartbroken. He lands on top of Namjin’s bike. Directly landing on the children.) 

Mr. crabs: “Jimin, please, do it to keep those you love safe. Do it for Jungkook.”

Jimin: “jine”

Mr. crabs: “thank you jimin, really. Now let’s leave this elevator.”

(They leave the elevator.)

End Scene

Yeet yeet muskete


	13. Scene teen

Scene teen

( this scene is also all written in Shakespearean dialect.)

IkEa eeeeeeeeE  
(Lavinia walks around the ikea, letter in hand, searching for something)

Lavinia: “where is he?”

(she walks over to the piano section, then spots a corpse, crushed by a keyboard.)

Lavinia: “omg a corpse”

Corpse(jackson)(ghost 2): “groan” 

Lavinia: ”...“

Jackson/ghost 2: “Lavinia, tis I, your daddy.

Lavinia: “papa?!””

yes/Jackson/ghost 2: “Yes and as you can see, i am dead now.”

Lavinia: “NOOOOO! *sobs*”

Jackson/ghost 2: “shut up you imbecile, couldn’t you read the letter i sent? I have something important to tell you.” “jesus is your brother”

Lavinia: c”hill why are you telling me this?”

jackson/ghost two: “because he is working for a very handsome man and i want you to tell him something from me.”

(lavinia started to choke)

Lavinia once she recovers: “wat”

Jackson/ghost 2: “tell him that he's the father.”

Lavinia: “Wait, Jesus, my brother, works for my father?”

Jackson/ghost 2: “uh huh”

jackson/ghost two: (dies)

Lavinia: “wait, don’t die! You didn’t even tell me my other dad’s name!”

Jackson/ghost 2: “Too late kid, im ded.”

End scene


	14. Scene iliven

Scene ilivin

(Scene takes place in the place where Taehyung is held captive.)

Taehyung: “grunt grunt”(he is trying to escape)

(the door creaks open.)

Antonio: “Hello, is this the bathroom? Wait why is it so dark in here? And what’s with all that groaning”

(He flips the lights on)

Antonio: “gasp! Taehyung! Are you ok?!”

Taehyung: “Grunt grunt.”(he is gagged)

Antonio: “dddddddddddddddddddddi”

Taehyung: “hehbailp”

Antonio: “*under his breath* wow he’s fineeeeeee. Sorry I really gotta pee, brb.”

(He turns to leave but is confronted with Dylan standing in the doorway.)

Dylan: “hehehe, i see you two know each other (his face alert with a smirk) ok”

Taehyung: (talking through the gag) “No idk him lol.”

Dylan: “oh ok lol gtg, have to pee”

Antonio: “noo please let me go first :’(“

Dylan: “no”

Antonio: “I really really gotta go tho.”

Hoseok: “wanna buy some drugs?”

(nobody noticed him also sitting in tae's chair with him.)

Antonio: “What are you doing here?”

Hoseok: (shrugs) “had to pee”

Taehyung: “Is that what i was sitting in?!?!?”

Hoe sock: “yes”

Dylan: “Anyways, now that you know that I was the one that captured Taehyung I can’t let you leave.”

Hoseok: “Wait, you captured Taehyung?”

Dylan: “Uh yeah, why did you think I was here?”

Hoseok: “Though you had to pee. *shrugs*”

Dylan: “wow you ain't the brightest spark in the book are you?”

(Hoseok looks a lil offended but shrugs)

Dylan: “well yeah it was me you idiot. I KIDNAPPED TAEHYUNG!”

(As he is saying this mallory enters the room)

Mallory: “oh this isn’t the bathroom. Also, huh what did you just say? You kidnapped someone? Aight chill.”

Dylan: “Ugh, now you know too, looks like you’re also gettin locked up.”

Mallory: “That’s a lil kinky nut ok.”

(Dylan proceeds to pull out his rope made of rope. He tied them all up with it.)

All but Dylan: ““Scream”

(They are all now gagged and tied up in the center of the room. Dylan goes toward the door and turns off the lights in the room.)

Dylan: “Ok, now i’m going to leave the room and make sure to lock the door so no more fools walk in thinking this is the bathroom.”

(He fires one beam of light from his hidden third eye just for the heck of it then proceeds to leave the room. He closes the door, making sure to lock it on his way out. He walks away but then gets scared he didn’t lock it properly so he returns to make sure it is locked once more. He then really walks away.)

End scene


	15. Sscene 12

Sscene 12

(mob place, Jesus sitting at the table on the phone.)

Jesus: “Dylan is the job done?”

Dylan: “yeah maybe a little to well”

Jesus: “what do you mean?”

Dylan: “ummm I have five captive instead of 1, if you include myself”

Jesus: “ok chill now did u torture em yet?”

Dylan: “ummm what?”

Baby one/jackson: “he said' have you tortured em yet?”

Dylan: “i don't remember that being one of the thing you told me to do jesus.””

Jesus: “well we are going to have a change of plans. I think Namjoon might be on to me, and now that lavinia knows that I'm her brother… well i just don't want her to know that i like to torture people so… I thought u could do it for me?   
UwU”

Dylan: “yeah of course. Is there anything else I can do for you jesus?” 

Jesus: “yeah i want some pop tarts.”

End scene


	16. Scene 13

Scene 13

(lavinia at her part time job at starbucks, a car pulls up to the window of the drive through, it is the one the only min yoongi. Namjin, kook and the babies are in the car with him.)

Yoongi: “Ahem, hello drive through person.” 

Lavinia: “fine!” (looks angry) “my father just died but hello”

Yoongi: “yes I would like to order two greet tea frapaccknonk”

(babies are yelling on the phone, namjin screaming and kook sobbing loudly.)

Lavinia: “excuse me how many people do you have in the car right now? Should I call the police?”

Yoongi: “Why you little, that’s it, imma hop outta this car and break this puny speaker right now!”

Lavinia: “no sir do not jump out of the car”

(Yoonfi gets so so angry. He proceeds to stick his arm out the window and punch the speaker really hard. Lavinia is still yelling at him from the other end but her voice is garbled now cause the speakers broke. VROOM VROOM! Yoongi scratches out of the drive through at 69 mph. He waits for no man. On the way out he gets his green tea frapaccknonk from the drive through window and makes sure he pays the correct price all in cash. He also tips the barista because he is a good boi. He heads off down the road, still fuming.)

Namjoon: jin just shut up for one second!”

Jin: “maybe i don't want to”

Nam: “your setting a bad example for our childrends”

Jin: “their your children namjoon not mine.”

Nam: “but you said.”

Jin: ‘i-”

(kooK interrupts)

Kook: “thank you yoongi for picking us up in that basement after I fell off the elevator and on top of the babies and broke the motorbike.” 

Nam: “yeah you owe me a new motorbike.”

Jin: ‘yeah and some new babies”

(baby/jackson looks up from his phone call and takes the cigarette out of his mouth)

jackson/: “dont worry im goo, idk bout that one though” (he points at lana the dead babie.)

Kook: “Hey Yoonfi 👉👈 uwu. Can we pretty please go to the water park? I wanna splash around 💦 and have fun” 

Yoongi: “Alright fine. It will give me a place to hide this dead baby. I can’t be getting framed for murder now can I?”  
(They drive off)

End scene


	17. Scren fourtween

Scren fourtween

Ok lets go

(Scene opens to the waterpark, mr. crabs and jimin are standing there.)

Mr. crabs: “Well jimin, this is my house.”

Jimin: “wow i really do not agree with that statement.”

(Mr. crabs look offended. He shakes it off.)

Mr. crabs: “now you must practice your powers so we can help taehyung.”

Jimin: ”no mister crabs”

Mr. crabs: “Damn you do be looking kinda thicc tho.”

Jimin:” damn i'm horny”

(song begins)

Mr. crabs: 

I know you got that moxy kid  
And you thicc like good ol’ mr. squid  
Ward who’s also just like you   
Because you are both just oh so blue  
But you gotta be better than him kid  
You gotta pick yourself up by your eyelid  
You gotta use your powers and use em good  
You gotta save taehyung like you know you should  
Use your fire powers   
Use your fire powers  
Burn everything, even flowers  
Burn it all up for hours and hours  
Use your gift of inferno   
So you can get with jk and spread your spermo  
Yeah I know you like that boy  
And for him you should go and destroy  
The one who captured Taetae  
Kill that guy, go cray cray

(The crowd started cheering wildly)  
“Rappppp”   
(sunglasses appear on mr. krabs face and he starts to jig)  
When i was a young ladddy crabby i was oh all so lonely.   
Till i found my one true power  
And it's making krabby patties  
Croud: woah  
And now it's your turn lil jiminie  
Find your true powers and you can leav bikini. Bottom..  
And set fire to infinity  
Yeah yeah your a lil laddy  
Use your powers and save taeyungie  
Yeah yeah ur a lil wacky   
After you save tae you can go find u a daddy  
And a rice paddie, with your tea caddy and then ur a baddie.

(Then mr krabs does a slut drop and jumps into splits with both claws in da air.)

Jimin: “Wow,,,wow ok anyone who can do a jumpsplit has earned at least a fraction of my respects.”

Mr krabs: “ok let's go get my keys and then we can go try and find tae.”

End scene.


	18. chapter fifteen bruh

chapter fifteen bruh

(Yoongi enters, carrying the body of dead baby Lana. He threw out the body into the wading pool)

Yoongi: “There, the child has been disposed of properly.”

Jungoo: “i'm in so much pain right now”

Namjoon: “Jin, ur eyes are so pretty right now.”

Jin: “namjoon if you keep doing that imma beat ur ass”

Yoongi: “Jungkook, you look like you could use a punching.”

Jk: “ok but softly this time.”

(Yoongi winds up his arm, ready to punch. then hears a loud scream from the other side of the waterpark.)

Jk: “What in the name of all that is good and holy was that?!?!?!”

Jin: “why would I know! Namjoon, help yoongi with the beating.”

Jk: “Ouch ouch! I told you to hit softly! And Jin, stop laughing at my pain! man i really wish i was an old man right about now.”

Namjoon: “Is that hard enough Jin?”

(jin moans)

Yoongi: “Alright time to stop goofing off, let’s get outta here.”

(They all swivel 180 degrees in perfect unison on their heels and begin to head towards the exit.)

Shoe:“Clip clop”

Shoe 2: “Clip clop”

Shoe 3: “Clip clop”

Shoe 4: “Clip clop”

Shoe 5: “Clip clop”

Shoe 6: “Clip clop”

Shoe 7: “Clip clop”

Shoe 8: “Clip clop”

(On their way out they bump smack into mr., crabs and jimin.)

Namjoon: “Holy shit! A crab in real life!”

Mr.crabs: “wowie lookie here if it isn't our arch nemesis from the crab corporation Kim Nam Joon.”

(throws punches)

Jungkook: “N-nani? Jimin! W-what are you doing here?”(he looks at the ground, sad)

Jackson/baby 2: (putting down his bottle of vodka, already half empty)“Hey jungkook, is this the kid you were telling me about. I guess you were right, he is pretty hot😏. Hey baby, if this thing with jungkook doesn’t work out, hit me up. Man can someone please help me i'm drowning”

jungkook: “gee golly gosh jimin i really have missed you in these four hours weeve been apart, i don't think i ever want to see you ever again.”

Jimin: “oh jungkook! How are you? Sorry for leaving you at the cafe alone with our gfs. I just had something really important to do with mr. crabs.”

Jungkook: “Oh jimin...um, it’s ok that you left me all alone, i ummm, messed around with our gfs while you were away.haha.”

Jin: “hello jimin i've heard all about you”

Nam: “jin wait why would you say that.”

(namjoon looks at jin, drooling a bit)

Jimin: “omg jin you're the one that owns that strip club i met tae-... oh”

Yoongi: “damn jimin you thickk”

Jimin: “Why thank you (bats eyelashes) who are you anyway?”

Mr. crabs: “hey everyone, is that baby ok?”

(mr. crabs is pointing at the currently drowning jackson. Next to him floats the dead body of baby Lana.)

Jimin: “welp, nice meeting up, goodbye, mr. crabs and I need to go do something important.”

All but mr. crabs and jimin: “aight bye.”

(They all turn to leave the waterpark. Jin scoops jackson out of the water on his way out. Jackson cries like the baby he is. What a loser. They all clamber into their cars except Jungkook, who replaces himself with a body double and continues to exit the car through the window. He dashes over to mr. crabs and jimin’s car and hops onto the back. He is curious about what the two are up to so he decides to stalk them. He uses the seat belt attached to the back of their car to strap himself in and they take off down the extremely bumpy road.)

End scene


	19. Scene 17

Scene 17

Lavinia: “hello welcome to starbuck may i take your order miss?”

Anu: “umm no”

(anu walks away and heads toward the bathroom. But stops at the one room across from it.)

(there are multiple kinds of sounds coming from that room. Arguing, screaming, singing and some other ones….)

(she knocks on the door.)

Anu: “ummm,, is everything ok?”

(the sound in the room stops)

Antonio:(gagged)”HELP!” 

Hoseok: (actually gags) ”eeee”

Mallory: (gagged)“Why are you gagging? You don’t even have a gag in your moUth.”

Dylan: (not gagged) “hahahaha” (evil laugh)

Anu: (not gagged)“umm, what is going on in there? Why do yall sound gagged?”

Tae: (gagged) “because me are.”

Anu: (not gagged) “need help or…?”

Jessica: (half gagged) “hi. Wait, how did I get here?”

Flashback

(Jessica walked down the hall of the Starbucks looking for the bathroom. She tried the door but found that it was locked. “Umm open up. please oppa.” she gets a response. “Ummm what?” “i said open up the fucking door i have to pee bitch.” “ok” she hears multiple locks unlock and the sound of fabric ripping. She sees four people tied up all on one chair, some gagged some not. “Umm is this the bathroom?” one of the people from the chair “no” in a country accent. “Oppa?” she turns to the one that opened the door. “I'm afraid i will have to tie you up now” “okay oppa” she happily lets him tie her hands behind her back and then to the chair as well.”)

End flashback

Jessica: (half gagged) “oh yeah, that’s how i got here.”

Taehyung: (gagged) “please help us!”

Dylan: (not gagged) (imitating tae’s voice) “Actually on second thought don’t help us we like it in here.”

Hoseok: (not gagged) “I mean...he’s got a point there😏.”

Mallory: (gagged) “don’t listen to him! Just open the door!”

Anu: (not gagged) “I can’t though! It’s locked! Ugh and I really gotta pee too.”

Hoseok: (not gagged) “oh you gotta pee, well in that case.” (he strides over to the door. He is no longer tied up. He proceeds to unlock all the locks on the door and open it. Anu faces him, confused.)

(dylan starts singing, he is not gagged)

Anu: (now gagged) “why are you singing?”

Maloory:(gagged) “for fun”

(anu runs out)

Hoseok: (not gagged) ”better lock the door again.”

(dylan locks the door)

Anu: (not gagged) “Attention everyone in the starbucks! Do not go into the door next to the bathroom! I think some people are being held hostage there. Just let them be, ok. you don’t want to see the things i've seen.”

Dr. phil: (not gagged)“wow you hear that! That’s some crazy tea sis.” 

Charlie: (not gagged) “ won't affect me. I don't have a bladder haha. (she high fives karen)

Dr. phil:(not gagged) "No dog ever peed on a moving car."

Charlie: (not gagged)“where the frick is my tea, the tea is not caffeinated you know because im mormon so i can't have caffeine.”

Dr. phil: (not gagged) “oop bitch, you are 100% correct! I'm also mormon”

Charlie: (not gagged) “take me home dr. phil.”

End scene


	20. Ceen 18

Ceen 18

Music for the scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSldYAMm6wU

Lyrics:  
Endorse us withdrawing to employment, to demolish the hooligans  
Did they deliver me female offspring, although I requested males  
You are the joyless flock i have faced at all  
However you may wager aforetime we are complete  
Anyway I’ll mold a papa out of thou

Placid as a timber, yet inferno innards  
Once thou unearths thou’s naval  
It is doubtless you’ll triumph  
You’re a submissive, pasty, woeful bunch  
And you acquire zero tips  
Anyway I’ll mold a papa out of thou

I shall never hook my gasp  
Announce Godspeed to those who experience me  
Lad, was I a boob in academy for ditching bowl  
This brother has me shaken to annihilation  
Wish he won’t examine directly in and out of me  
Lord i truly desire to fathom how to bathe

Exist as a male  
Thou need be spanking as a galloping brook  
Exist as a male  
With the horsepower of a considerable twister  
Exist as a male  
Along with clout of a throbbing hot spot  
Cryptic as the black angel of the planetoid

The date is whizzing en route to when the hooligans appear  
Mind my every directive and it’s possible you’ll recover  
Thou is unprepared for the passion of bloodshed  
So gather luggage retire to your hut you’re over  
How shall I mold a papa out of thou

Exist as a male  
Thou need be spanking as a galloping brook  
Exist as a male  
With the horsepower of a considerable twister  
Exist as a male  
Along with clout of a throbbing hot spot  
Cryptic as the black angle of the planetoid

Exist as a male  
Thou need be spanking as a galloping brook  
Exist as a male  
With the horsepower of a considerable twister  
Exist as a male  
Along with clout of a throbbing hot spot  
Cryptic as the black angle of the planetoid

(training montage)

(Mr. crabs and jimin, with jungkook on the back of their car, pull up to a training ground. They all hop out of, and off the car. Mr. crabs and jimin walk toward the training area. Jungkook follows after them, sneakily.   
Cut  
Mr. crabs sets a block of ice on the ground in front of jimin. Jimin tries to use his fire powers to melt it, but fails miserably. All he does is puff out a lil smoke and proceed to fall flat on his face. Jungkook looks surprised from his hiding spot nonetheless.  
Cut  
Mr. crabs holds up a flaming hoop in front of jimin, he points at it, directing jimin to jump through. Jimin tries, but his foot gets caught on the hoop. He falls right on his face and catches on fire.   
Cut  
Mr. crabs holds up a stick with fire on the end. He proceeds to mime eating it and spitting fire, showing jimin that he should do it. He passes the stick over. Jimin tries to eat it, but coughs it up halfway down his throat. He still has a gag reflex...for now. Jungkook looks a bit disappointed.   
Cut  
Mr. crabs is putting a fire very close to jimin, seeing if he will flinch away. Every time the fire gets too close, jimin starts to scream and run around. He can’t handle the heat.  
Cut   
The ice is once again in front of jimin. He puts his hands forward, trying to melt it. He has a strained look on his face. Mr. crabs walks to behind him and wraps his arms around jimin so he can position his hands correctly. Sparks fly. Jungkook does the tongue thing from his hiding place, you know the one when he gets jealous.   
Cut  
Mr, crabs once again holds the flaming hoop up, motioning for jimin to try jumping through again. Jimin winds up to run toward the hoop and jumps. He remarkably makes it through. Mr. crabs rushes up to jimin to give him a crabby hug. Jk jelly  
Cut  
Mr. crabs holds up the fire stick and eats the fire with no trouble at all. Then he winks at jimin and motions for him to give it a go. Jk looks a lil angi. Jimin takes the stick and hesitantly eats it. He succeeds in eating and spitting fire.   
Cut   
Jimin is lying on a table with mr. crabs hovering over him. He pulls out the fire and puts it extremely close to Jimin's shirtless body. He is shirtless from now on in the montage because that’s what happens when things get intense. Jimin winces, but endures the heat. The flame even touches his skin once and he is fine. Jk drools in the corner.  
Cut   
Mr. crabs places a huge chonk of ice in front of jimin. Jimin raises his hand and easily melts the ice with no trouble at all. Jungkook claps for him in the corner, sneakily.  
Cut   
Mr. crabs holds up the hoop and jimin easily leaps through it. Then he grabs the flaming hoop out of mr. crabs claw and proceeds to use it as a hula hoop. He can really sway them hips. 💃  
Cut   
Jimin grabs the fire stick and swallows it whole. He didn’t even gag once. No more gag reflex. Then he burps up the fire with ease, singing mr. crab’s eyebrows right off.   
Cut   
Jimin lies on the table as mr. crabs runs the fire all over Jimin's body. Jimin doesn’t even flinch, in fact, he looks like he's enjoying it. Jk looks a little jealous of mr. crabs from the corner of the room. However, he can’t seem to look away from Jimin's literally smokin bod.   
Cut  
Lastly, jimin and mr. crabs stand in front of a mirror. Mr. crabs motions to jimin's outfit with disapproval. He sends Jimin into the changing room.  
Cut   
Jimin exits the changing room wearing the outfit he wore in the fire mv   
Mr. crabs gives jimin a thumbs up for his outfit and the montage stops with jimin doing cool poses.)

Mr. crabs: “Jimin! I'm so proud of you me lad! You be lookin so good!”

Jimin: “I think you mean I'm lookin...hot” (Jimin laughs at his own pun.)

(Dr. Phil and Charlie begin walking by. Jimin and mr. crabs overhear their conversation as they go past.)

Dr. phil: “omg sis, I still can’t get over that crazy tea being spilled in the starbucks! Tea of the week honestly!”

Charlie: “I know right! I wonder who the people are that are being held hostage there. Bet they are lame lol.” 

Dr. phil: “Oop sis, I bet they aint even mormon!”

(the two laugh pettily and scamper off. Mr. crabs looks at jimin.)

Mr. crabs: “People being held captive in starbucks?”

Jimin: “I wonder…”

Mr. crabs: “probably just a coincidence, tho that is a lil suspicious.”

Jimin: “ummm...yeah”

(End scene)


	21. Scene 19

Scene 19

(hunter was sitting on his bed playing video games when he heard a knock at the door. He opens his door to find his best bro jesus there.

hunter : “hey bro what up?”

Jesus: “idk man im just feeling kind of down”(burps)

(see even jesus has his bad days)

hunter : “sit down man let's talk about it.”

(they sit)

Hunter: “Why are you so down, man?”

Jesus: “well i enlisted, this guy, his name is Dylan, to capture this guy for me. His name is Kim Teahyung. Because you see my sister lavinia, who doesn't know that I'm her brother, got dumped by this dude, Antonio, so they got a divorse. I've been watching over lavinia my whole life you see because I'm eternal and she's 22. So then i told dylan to capture tae so that antonio cant be happy. Now dylan has both of them and i told him to torture them and send me vids. But now he says that that's an inhumane thing to do so then I reminded him that I'm not human, so he's gonna but like i really want to be there but i can't.”

Hunter: “yeah man that sound like it sucks”

(Hunter places an arm around jesus. Jesus cringes away from hunters arm.)

Jesus: “um hunter i don't really like you… like that.”

(hunter pouts.)

Jesus: “your just not really my type…”

Hunter “umm ok”

(there is a knock on the door. Namjoon enters next to jin who is holding a baby)

Namjoon: “oh hey jesus, yo hunter can we have the keys to the minivan.”

(hunter and namjoon are brothers.)

Hunter: “Yeah bro there on the key rack by the garage, the ones with the mini dr. phil on it.”

Namjoon: “chill, thanks bro.”

(They exit. Hunter pets jesus's thigh)

Hunter: “bro imma play some minecraft wanna join?”

jesus:(depressed, but not gagged) “sure”

And scene


	22. Scene 20 bish

Scene 20 bish

(lights up in Jin's apartment. Namjoon opens door with jins key)

Namjoon: I still don't see why we couldn't have gone to my place?”

Jin: “that house is nowhere near safe for a baby. You've got spikes, dead body limbs and random scones everywhere!”

Namjoon: “yeah but still.”

Jin: “now you better clean up this slimy mess.”

(he points at the baby in his arms)

Namjoon: “eww no.”

Jin: “yeah ok, do you think we can just throw him in the guest room with another flask of vodka”

Jackson while sucking on his toes: “yeah do that. Maybe some whisky too.”

(namjoon takes jackson from Jin's arms, walks down the hall and then opens the guest room door. He provides to drop kick the baby making him hit the wall on the opposite side of the room.)

Jackson: “ruuuude”

(namjoon closes the door, then walks back to jin.)

Namjoon: “so.. What do you want to do?” (smirk)

Jin: “five YeaRs”

namjoon. : “ are you still on about that jin, i've apologized, i said i was sorry i guess i didn't need you until now.”

(jin throws a pot at namjoon. He hardly ducks in time. The pot crashes through the window. Though not leaving a whole.)

Namjoon: “look jin i'm actually sorry”

Jin: “sure”

(namjoon walks toward jin. And wraps his arms around Jin's waist pressing their bodies closer together. He looks into his eyes. Jin bluckles, he is now on the ground.)

Namjoon: “are you okay?”

Jin: “umm.. Yeah i'm fine.”

(namjoon helps jin up. Jin refuses to make eye contact with him.

Jin.”ummm”

(Namjoon grabs Jin's face and kisses him. Jin is hesitant at first but then leans more into namjoon and places his hands on his shoulder.)

Time passes

(someone comes crashing through the door with a loud bang.)

Hoseok: “what the fucc. Oops sorry boss for my language.”

(jin gasps and pushes namjoon away from him.)

Hoseok: ‘look dylan said i could go for an hour in i'm freaking starving. Yall wanna come with me to denneys?”

End scene


	23. Scene 21

Scene 21

(y/n and dylan are sitting at the playground in the park. y/n is crying and Jackson looks awkward patting her on the back.)

Dylan: “ummm.. What?. I can't understand you.”

( y/n continues to ball her eyes out.)

Dylan: “umm why did you want me here anyway?”

(y/n stop crying in fear of dylan leaving.)

y/n “i… i need your help with something.”

Dylan: “look i know we dated when we were like 7 but i don't really like you very much. You're literally so annoying and basic.”

(y/n starts crying again)

Dylan: “fine what do you need?”

y/n: “i need you to help me find my children.”

Dylan: “ok but like why me? Don't you have a husband?”

y/n: “yes i do but all he does is play minecraft all day. I don't even think he likes me anymore.”

Dylan: “good for him. Look tell me what you need so i can go back, i'm kind of supposed to be somewhere right now.”

y/n: “okk just if you see two babies just any two babies bring em to me. Ok?”

Dylan: “yeah sure. Let's go jackson.”

(baby jackson and dylan go down the little red slide and walk away from the park.)

End scene


	24. Scene 22

Scene 22

(lights up to the starbucks not bathroom. Taehyung, Mallory, Antonio and Jessica are still tied up most of them on the chair.”

Tae: “Guys, I think dylan's gone.”

Mallory: “why would you think that?” 

(they are both gagged.)

Tae: “umm maybe because he announced it and then left and also because we don't have blindfolds on and i saw it.”

Mallory: “fair point”

Antonio: “should we try to get out?”

Jessica “ I don't know i kinda like it here. Except for the puddle on the floor.”

(all four of them are still gagged)

Tae: “yeah let's not talk about that…… should we try to get out?”

Antonio: “yeah”

(they struggle to try to undo their gags and hand ties but end up just making the chair fall over and hitting jesica in the face. Tae has fallen on top of antonio and mallroy askew on the floor behind them, miraculously now untied and ungagged. antonio blushes.)

Mallory: “opps sorry for tying your gag even tighter tae.”

Tae: (tightly gagged) “mmmememmmemegmes”

Mallory: “ok”

Antonio: “hey can u untie us?”

Mallory: “why should i?”

Antonio: “because i asked you to”

(mallory grudgingly starts untying them while jessica starts singing expensive girl by Rap Monster’)

Jessica: ‘why is dis gag so chewy?”

(they ignore her. Once they're all untied except for Jessica they stand up and put the pick the chair up off the ground, also they turn on the lights.)

Tae: “do yall know how to undo the locks?”

Antonio: “nope”

(they hear a noise outside the door and freak out and turn the lights off and hop back on the chair)

They hear the noise again. Mallory now recognizes the sound and dives under the chair.

Mallory: “guys go to the floor it's gonna blow up.”

“Boom”

End scene


	25. Scene 2333

Scene 2333

(they at dennys)

Waiter yoongi: “what can i get for you today sir”

Hoseok: “mmm, I'm so hungy i could eat this whole restaurant! But that wouldn’t be good for my digestive tract, so i’ll just get some pancakes from the cheap menu. (country accent) oops i farted.”

Waiter yoongi: “what can i get for you today sir”

Jin: “Jin...why are you lookin like the meal and none of this Denny's food.”

Namjoon: “OW! I just burned my tongue!” (on water)

(namjoon faints)

Jin: “wait yoongi you work here?”

Yoongi: “dude do you know how much rent cost in LA.”

Namjoon (while passed out) “we don't live in LA”

Yoongi: “a boy can dream. I want to move to LA to become a soundcloud rapper.”

Hoseok: “you know i had a very weird dream last night”

Hoseok: “bout what’

Hoseok: “i was petting a poodle and then it stood up and shot me right there.” (he points at pp. The food arrives and hobi gobbles it all up in one bite.) “Welp, back to the Starbucks not bathroom for me.” (Arther transition noise)  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUqBBBQubps

(suddenly a large boom happens and the denny’s is filled with ash.)

End scene...


	26. Scene 24

Scene 24

(boom boom booooom)

Jessica: “holy shit that was one hot bomb.”

The rest: “ahhhhhhhhhhh”

(the starbucks is demolished. no ceiling, and no walls, they are standing in ruble on ruble. the dust and ash is the air is obscuring their vision, with ruble. 

Jackson: (flying around in his airplane, bombing the starbucks.) “hehehehe”

(across the street from the demolished Starbucks is the demolished dennys.)

Namjoon: “damn who’s trying to kill me now?!”

Jin: “ahhhhhh.”

(song starts)

Jin:   
What is all this rubble what is all this ash

Namjoon:   
Through all of this fog I can’t even see his ass

Hoseok:   
I swear this haze is thicker than my country accent

Yoongi:   
I wonder if the guests will still tip me a cent

Denny’s group:   
OH! The bomb is going boom!   
But we’ll keep dining! Keep dining in this smokey room.  
Hey!Even if this Denny’s falls right down  
We’ll keep dining! Keep dining, not a frown

(they break into dance, tapping on the tables, swing dancing and such)

Namjoon: (spoken) Would you care to dance?

Jin: (spoken) Why not?

(The two grab hands and do some impressive partner dancing.)

Jin:  
Namjoon you make me feel free  
When I’m dancing in your arms it’s where I want to be  
Now let’s dance and dance, we’re on a dancing spree  
With a scoop a skip a hop bubaluble  
Let’s both dance through all this rubble

Namjin:  
With a scoop a skip a hop bubaluble  
Let’s both dance through all this rubble

Namjoon:   
Jin, you’re way more than a stripper  
Why don’t we go home and you undo my zipper  
But before that, let’s boogy, you make me feel chipper  
With a scoop a skip a hop bubaluble  
Let’s both dance through all this rubble

Namjin:  
With a scoop a skip a hop bubaluble  
Let’s both dance through all this rubble

Denny’s guests:  
(whooping and hollering)  
Oh! Just let the bombs explode  
And we’ll keep dining! Keep dancing going sicko mode  
Hey! There’s rubble everywhere  
But we’ll keep dining! Keep dancing without a care

(beat changes to a more haunting balled)

Tae:  
ahhhh i cant see anything

Antonio under his breath(spoken not sung): wow u got a nice peen:

Mallory:  
ahhhhhhh here is my offering 

(she picks up jessica and lifts her to the sky as if offering to the gods. Jackson sees this from his jet and shoots jessica. Mallory looks shocked and drops jessica)

Mallory:  
(yelling over the music.) “oh my gawd you killed her?!!”

Antonio:  
we've got to go

Mallory:   
her face is turning indigo

Dying jessica(still gagged):   
i'm starting to see a golden glow

everyone : oh no

(jessica goes limp in Mallory's arms. Mallory looks up at da bois tears streaming down her face.)

mallory(talked not sang):  
We really need to go

Everyone who's not dead:  
All the bombs are rushing down  
The ash is falling all around  
The fogs so thick we’re gonna drown

Lavinia from somewhere is the fog:  
Oh my god my legs broken down!!

Antonio(high note):  
aaaawooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOO00000000hhh

(during all of that wonderful song they are trying to get away from the fog and bombs)

Everyone who's not dead:  
All the bombs are rushing down  
The ash is falling all around  
The fogs so thick we’re gonna drown

(the chorus repeats but slightly faster in pace. The dance leads come out and start dancing on the rubble with lots of backward rolls and leg holds.They are wearing very flowy pant suits and dresses made with layers of tools and grey fabric.)

Everyone who's not dead:  
All the bombs are rushing down  
The ash is falling all around  
The fogs so thick we’re gonna drown

(the music stops when they see people dancing jollily on what used to be dennys. Mallory drops Jessica's lifeless body she's been carring.)

Tae:   
what are they doing?

Antonio:  
Should we join?

(part three)

Denny’s guests and hostages:  
(whooping and hollering)

Oh! Just let the bombs explode  
All the bombs are rushing down  
And we’ll keep dining! Keep dancing going sicko mode  
The ash is falling all around  
Hey! There’s rubble everywhere  
The fogs so thick were gonna drown.  
But we’ll keep dining! Keep dancing without a care

Denny’s guests:  
With a scoop a skip a hop bubaluble  
Let’s both dance through all this rubble

(high note):  
aaaawooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOO00000000hhhh

Hostages:  
With a scoop a skip a hop bubaluble  
Let’s both dance through all this rubble

(high note):  
aaaawooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOO00000000hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(Cut over to Jimin And mister crabs driving down the road. Jk is on the back of the car. The car stops when they see the disaster before them and all the people dancing around joyously.) 

Jimin: (spoken) mr. crabs, what is that?

Mr. crabs: (spoken) i don’t know but this might be a good opportunity for you to practice your powers. 

Jimin: “I’m on it.” (The three boon off and out of the car)

Mr. Crabs:  
Focus your powers little laddy  
Burn the bombs before they hit the ground  
Do it for me, a good ol’ crabby  
Burn the bombs quick don’t fool around

Jimin:  
My fire surges through me  
Heat is bubbling at my skin  
I must prevent even more debris  
If I focus I know I can win

Mr. crabs:(escalating high note)  
OOOooOoAaaAhHH  
(jimin winds up his powers, building up for the big blast when suddenly-)

Denny’s guests and hostages:  
With a scoop a skip a hop bubaluble  
Let’s both dance through all this rubble

(Jimin gets distracted and accidentally points his fire at a mirror. The mirror bounces the fire back in his direction. He dodges the fire in time, only for it to hit jk who was standing behind him.)

Jk: (sung)  
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

(jimin puts the fire out, but jk still got burned)

Jimin: (spoken) Jungkook! Oh my god jungkook. Are you ok?  
(he rushes over and places jk’s head onto his lap)

Jungkook:  
Jimin you look so beautiful  
I’m so proud of you and your powers

Jimin:(whispered) Kookie…

Jungkook:  
Your ass is indisputable  
I could stare at you for hours

Mr. crabs: (yelled) Jimin what are you doing, come back here and save these dancing people!

Jungkook:  
Jimin I will be ok, you should go and be a hero  
But there’s something you should know jimin I don’t wanna be your bro

Jimin: (spoken) What do you mean? You don't wanna be friends anymore?

Jungkook:  
I can feel myself slipping away now.   
If I die you need to know  
Jimin it’s me you always wow  
My big secret i’ll now show

(spoken) Jimin I-I l-

Jimin: Yes jungkook? What is it?

Jungkook: I l-lo-(passes out)

(Jimin hugs Jk’s unconscious body tight)

(Dylan and Jackson are in the jet bombing people.)

Dylan:  
Why are we doing this again? 

jackson(still a baby, not gagged):  
Don't worry this is just how i begin.

Dylan's third eye: but dylan jesus will be mad

Dylan:  
Alright you've been had.

(he puts an eyepatch on and wears it like a headband covering his third eye and shutting it up effectively.)

Dylan:   
And you're sure this is ok with da boss?  
If not imma kill you and puncha till you green like moss  
And then eat you topped with barbaque sauce.

Jackson:  
Look little man yeah you lookin right here  
Stop being a bitch and go get me some beer  
I'm not gonna let little jesus anywhere near  
Stop talking about him or he might just appear

(Jesus appears)

Charphil: “ooooh ahhhhhh”

Jesus:  
Dylan what are you doing?  
I wasn't watching you what could you've been brewing  
Who are you bombing?  
Who are you persueing?

Dylan:  
Why do you care

Jesus:  
I think the people down there are oozing

(the song stops when they hear a scream from down below.)

Dylan:(not sang)  
Your hurting people, that's where I was keeping the hostages!!  
We need to stop jackson.!

Jackson:  
Alright dude just cool your beans.

Dylan:  
Wait jackson how are you flying this plane? Your legs are literally not long enough to reach the pedal.”

(at that the plane starts heading down. looking like it was going to crash near what used to be dennys. Then it crashed. Boooom. But luckily Jesus used his jesus powers to have them not all die. The flames were all around them a few yards away where people tap dancing. Jesus held screaming jackson in his arms, then he remembered that Dylan was a thing, and looked down at the ruble. Dylan lay on the ground on some ruble dying, bleeding from his chest half buried in part of the plane.)

“Dylan!!!!” (in a country accent)

(a figure came running at them.)

Shoe 1: “Clip clop”

Shoe 2: “Clip clop”

Shoe 3: “Clip clop”

Shoe 4: “Clip clop”

Shoe 5: “Clip clop”

Shoe 6: “Clip clop”

Shoe 7: “Clip clop”

Shoe 8: “Clip clop”

(End scene)

(Intermission)


	27. Scene 25

Scene 25

(lights up in the hospital. Mallory, celery,and Anu are the only people working there, though Jesus is trying to help with his immortal powers. There are dozens of people in hospital beds slowly dying.)

Some people: “screaming”

Mallory: “why is there nobody else working in this hospital?!

Anu: “All the docs and nooses died in the Denny’s and Starbucks incident. Except us and celery.”

(“Help” someone screamed from a hospital bed.)

celery: “uhgg again.”

Anu: “Sir please stop screaming there is nothing wrong with you.”

(The man stares back, impaled on a street post.)

(spotlight switches over to a bed with jungkook lying lifeless in it. Jimin is sitting next to him, next to mr crabs in a bed. Mr crabs claw is badly wrapped in bandages. And he is missing one of his eyes.)

Mr. carbs: “owie wowie”

(anu walks over to the group)

Anu: “how’s your eye doing mr. crabs.”

Mr. Crabs: “Bad since it’s gone. Why did you even have to take it? I could see fine.”

Anu: “Needed a crab eye for my potion. Witch tings!”

Mr. crabs: “what potion?”

Anu: “just a lil growth formula.”

Mr. crabs: “watcha gonna grow?”

Anu: “pp.”

Mr. crabs: “So you stole me eye for a knock off viagra?!?!”

Anu: “Your sacrifice is much appreciated.” 

(Jk stirs)

Anu: “wowie that's something”

Jungkook: “OWW my head! Feels like i slept for ten years.”

Jimin: “jk you're alive!”

Anu: “sir, you have been in a coma for exactly ten years.”

Jungkook: “yee haw, and gee golly gosh, can i get some fucking food please!?”

Jimin: “Jungkook! Oh my god bab-er-I mean...bro, are you ok?!”

(Jungkook licks his lips seductively.)

Jungkook: “Jimin.(desperately) yes hello hello.”

Jizzmin: “ummmm”

Jungkook: “What happened?”

(emotional music starts playing)

Jimin: “Well...i struck you with my powers and umm, you were gonna tell me something really important but then you passed out. You’ve been out for one day Jungkook. ONE DAY! That is so long to go without you. I was so scared I was going to lose you. Jungkook I was terrified I would never see your face again. Never see your smile. Never see your boopable nose. Never hear your giggle when I fall over. I was scared you would never again be there to catch me. I would never smell you again when I fall into your arms. That scent *sigh*. Jungkook, if I lost you we could never talk again. You could never tell me what you were going to when you passed out. So many things would go unsaid. I could never see you completely light up a room again. I could never see your eyes sparkle when you gaze lovingly at m-...your girlfriend. Your girlfriend would never get to experience any of these things again. Your girlfriend. But *sigh*. Jungkook I ummm I need to ummm I need to go.” (Jimin starts running off, dejected)

Jungkook: “Wait jimin! Come back!I never got to tell you what I was gonna!”

Jimin: “I’m sorry jungkookie. I’m so sorry…” (He keeps running) “I umm...I need to go pet my cactus.”

Jungkook: “No jimin come back!” 

(Jimin trips and falls on his face. Jungkook wasn’t there to catch him. He shakily gets up and keeps running)

Jungkook: “Jimin, come back I need to tell you something.”

(Jimin stops for nothing, except when he gets to the elevator and has to wait for it to arrive. When it arrives he gets on and stares at Jungkook yelling at him to come back while the doors slowly close. His face is covered with tears.)

Jungkook: “sob”

Mr. crabs: (to anu) “Geez that was fecking dramatic”

Anu: (eating miniature cobs of corn whole) “*gobble* ya”

(spotlight turns over to the other corner where jin is asleep but propped up in a bed, next to him is namjoon asleep on the floor, and jackson sitting on a chair next to them casually smoking a pipe. Handcuffed. (not gagged))  
(Mallory and celery walk over to check on jin.)

(Celery kicks namjoon on the floor.)

Celery: “yo is dis bitch ded?”

Mallory: i don think so, he jus tired.”

Celery: “dope”

(mallory throws her cowboy hat at jin to see if he is still alive, leaving only 4 cowboy hats on her actual head.) (jin sirs)

Celery: “ayeeeee he's not dead yet”

Mallory: “you should be happy, u whouldn't even have a job if it wernt for him.”

(Celery works as a bartender at Jin's strip club, she is also made of 40percent celery.)

Mallory: “hey jin wake up”

(she shakes him awake while standing on namjoons arms. She noted that his arm is not very muscley. He should go to the gym.)

Jin: “mehhh”

Namjoon: “ahhhhh my arm is turning purple.”

Mallory: “oops”

(she steps off his arm very slowly.)

Mallory: “hey jin how are you doing?”

Jin: “meh i feel fine i'm just very thirsty.”

Jackson(with pipe in mouth, still handcuffed not gagged): “when were you not”

(Jin proceeds to spit at jackson. The spit lands in jacksons pipe and he starts to choke.)

namjoon(on the floor, no pipe, not handcuffed, not gagged, i think,):jin how could you do that, that is our child?”

(Celery takes the pipe from Jackson and he stops cocking and choking.)

Jackson: “gimme”

Celery: “actually, i have decided that you are going to spend some time with my brother and your birth mother, for a little time out.”

(she carries that scrambling jackson and brings him to the waiting y/n and hunter. Namjoon and jin promptly hop on off the hospital bed and off the floor and grab jackson out of y/n’s arms. They run like two maniacs out of the hospital.)

End scene


	28. Son 26

Son 26

(this scene takes place in jesus’ apartment. Dylan is lying on the orange couch, he had to be brought to Jesus' apartment for special healing. Hobi is hanging on the ceiling.) (hobi is a vampire btw)

(yoongi(a bi hoe)walks into the room looking for a glass of water. (he is roommates with jesus.))

yoongi(aimed at the bat): “is that you hobi?”

bat/hobi: “squeeeeek”

Yoongi: “ok”

(jesus runs into the living room wearing nothing but a golden bath robe, his hair in curlers)

Jesus: “there's a robber at the door!!!”

yoongi(sleepy): “what?”

(A person bursts through the front door wearing a ski mask. She passes Yoongi, runs towed Dylan on the couch, hobi turns back to a human and falls to the ground landing on his feet in between the two.)

Hoseock: “what do you want with him?”

Robber person: “I just wanted to say hi.”

(yoongi comes over and rips the ski mask off the robber. It reveals lavinia, hair amess, looking determined.)

Yoongi: “lavinia?!”

Hoseok: “why are you here?!”

lavinia(not gagged): i just wanted to see my brother”

Jesus: “that boy is not your brother i am”

Lavinia: “Umm you can't be jesus. you have curlers in your hair and look like a 50 year old woman from utah.”

Hoseok: “hey! wait i'm not from utah”

(Dylan moves from his place on the couch.)

hoseok(shaking dylan.): hey babe let's go to the other room let these two siblings work it out.”

Dylan: “rrrrh”

Hoseok: “hey yoongi can you help me carry him to your bedroom?”

(they lift Dylan being careful of his wounds. And is third eye, witch has not stopped bleeding in like 5 hours> (they have to like keep draining the blood cause otherwise dylan should have drowned by now.)))

(the spotlight goes from them caring Dylan to Jesus and lavinia in the living room. They sit on the couch stained with blood.)

Lavinia: “why didn't you tell me that u knew i was your sister. The amount of time you've come through my drive thru at starbucks. 

Jesus: "lavinia i, i killed our dad's ex boyfriend's father.

End scene


	29. Scone 27

Scone 27

(Lights up on namjoons apartment. Spikes, dead body limbs, and random scones are everywhere. Jin steps on a mystery ball of white sludge sitting in the middle of the floor. He gives a disgusted look. Jin has Jackson in his arms. Jackson is spinning a butterfly knife.)  
Jin: “Namjoon, this really is no place for a child.”

Namjoon: “But it is a place for a baby, so come here babe.” (Namjoon says while sitting on a bean bag full of fingers and patting his lap.)

Jin: “Well...no. no namjoon, we’ve gotta do something about this apartment situation.”

Namjoon: “Sure Jin. Hey would you like a drink?” (Namjoon walks over to the fridge and opens the door. A disembodied hand pops out with a strange vial marked “Growth formula” in hand.)

Jin: “No not now joon. Look, if we are gonna raise this kid, we need to have a safe place. It might be a little soon but-”

Namjoon: “Are you suggesting we become homeless together?”

Jin: “What? I- no namjoon. Do you want to get an apartment with me?”

(Namjoon wiggles his brows)

Namjoon: “Ooh I like that idea. Could we even get an apartment with an actual bathroom?”

Jin: “Yeah I see that’s a problem here.” (Jin glances at the human sized litter box in the corner) “Yeah we need a bathroom. And let’s also get two rooms, one for the baby and one for us. We need our privacy ;)”

Jackson: “sounds good to me. I can finally have some god damn privacy.” (He swings his knife with resentment.)

(Suddenly, the door bust open. Y/n and hunter walk in)

Namjin: “Gasp! Jackson’s birth parents!”

Y/n: “That’s right, and we’re here to take this bad little baby to time out.”

Jackson: “Who you calling little. I’ll have you know I’m big where it counts.”  
(Y/n scoops Jackson up and she, hunter, and jackson leave for time out)

End scene


	30. Scon 28

Scon 28

(antonio and tae are hiding at the farm, with celery. Its celery farm. It is a celery farm. Is called the celery karm. They are in the celery barn.)

Celery: “Y’all ready to hoedown?”

(people arrive)

Taehyung: “Wait, what are all these people doing here?!?!”

Dylan: “We need to hide! We can’t get caught and held captive again ay carumba!”

Celery: “no yall dont, don't worry da person who your hidin from is real dumb, just dance i lil bit enjoy yall selfs”

(hobi walks in, dragging behind him a stiff dylan. Dylan is in a full body cast. Over the cast he wears jeans, a hoodie with the hood up, shoes, a face mask, and a big pair of sunglasses.)

Taehyung: “geez dylAn really bulked up”

(namjoon and jin walk up to celery)

Namjoon: “tank u for invitin uss maum.”

Celery: “no prob randum brother stranger. gotta lift or spirts somehow”

Hobi: “That’s darn tootin! Ain't that right babe?”

Dylan(gagged on his own cast): “MMMMppHHh”

Hobo: “Now butter my butt and call me a biscuit, let’s get this party started!”

(hobi walks up to the stage and picks up the country mic. Ready to hoedown)

(Song starts)

Hobi:

Yall, yall, yall, yall ready for this, time to get tootin.  
(hobi farts)  
Y’all ready to giddy up?  
Betcha gotta hankrin’ for a hoedown?  
Howdy y’all, let’s start this hog wranglin!

Grab your partner by the waist  
And swing em round now with such haste  
Boogie up front now boogy right back  
Now fall on the floor like a heart attack  
Ride your horse now don’t be shy  
Pop out and lick your own glass eye  
Hold it to your partner and licks their’s   
Now swallow it down ain’t got no cares

Spin your partner round and round,   
and round and round,   
and round in round,   
heee heee hooo hooo  
spin your partner round a pole.

(some people at the hoedown take this a little too seriously, celery holds mr krabs hands and starts to spin until mr krabs feet leave the ground, when she deems fit she lets go, and he goes flying into one on the poles holding up the barn.)

Celery: “yum cracked crab!!”

Biho  
Hobo  
Bohi  
Hibi  
Bibo  
bhbh  
Boho  
hohi  
Hiho  
Hobi  
Bobi  
(clap clap)

(tae and antonio are clapping along with the other people whilst madly trying to stay away from dylan.)

Antonio: “dude we should probably go hide.”

Tae: “look i could if i would but the doors are all looked up.”

(they look over at the giant door, there are 17 giant locks that seem to be locked, and two groups of two security guards by them.)

Antonio: “yeah i guess your right”

(a crowd of people dancing overwhelm them and they are caught in the midst of it. All of a sudden the speakers go out and electric disco music starts playing, and it's FUNKy. five disco balls come down from the ceiling. People start bobbing their heads and dancing like robots.)

tae(a mischevious grin on his face.): “wish to dance sire”

(in irish accent)(antonio blushes)

Antonio: “uhhhh”

(all of a sudden the music goes back to the country. The disco balls go back into the ceiling.)

hobo(not gagged): “all right everythang is back to being as fit as a fiddle.”

Biho  
Hobo  
Bohi  
Hibi  
Bibo  
hbhb  
Boho  
hohi  
Hiho  
Hobi  
Bobi  
(clap clap)

Second verse lets slut drop down  
Now shake that thang and go downtown  
The hogs can try and fry u up  
But they can’t catch you backin up  
Hop on your tractor plow a field  
Lasagna’s great I am garfield  
Now take your partner in your hands  
Flip upside down and do handstands

(celery does a handstand and walks over to mr krabs dead on the floor, then goes on one hand and slaps him. Namjoon strides over to celery, a stick of celery in hand. He takes a chomp of the celery. Celery looks offended. Celery walks on her hands over to Namjoon and slaps his feet. Namjoon loses his balance and falls into the mud pit. truckin.)

(Hobi pulls Dylan up on stage with him and dances with his stiff bod a little. Tae and Antonio notice him and begin dancing in the crowd to try and blend in. their dancing as partners now. Antonio blushed.)

Dance break:

(the music slows to a slow country tune, it sounds very country, and is in the style of country music. People start to slow dance, except celery. Celery starts beatboxing and breakdancing, people throw mud at her.)

(from the ceiling out comes the chorus wearing glittery cowboy hats, pasties shaped like mud, gingham suspenders, denim booty shorts, and thigh high cowboy boots. They start to do an interpretive dance, acting out a farm. Some are cows, some are horses, pigs, farmers, and corn. There is one scarecrow pulling off impressive stunts. Leaping and spinning around like a mad man. The the farmer falls down dead and the animals dance out an animal riot. In this interpretive dance story a few days go by and the animals have devoured all the corn. A few more days. The animals are starting to starve, the farmer’s corpse is lookin awful goo right about now. Another day. The cow walks up to the farmer and takes a bite. The other animals look horrified but once they smell the scent of human flesh they can’t help but dig in. a few more days. The animals have learned to use the farming equipment and are growing more corn. They build a corn maze out of it. More days. The corn maze attracts people. Little do they know there is now way out of the maze. The animals are using the human’s gulibility to farm them. Another day. The animals feast on human flesh. The humans are going extinct. The animals have won, but at what cost. They have depleted their whole food source. A month. The animals are starving. A day. The animals die. The corn flourishes. End of interpretive dance.)

(hobi pulls a lasso from his butt.(the music doubles in speed) And swings it around, the crown is very surprised when he lassos two men from the crowd(its jin and namjoon.(Namjoon is covered in mud and so is jin dancing with him(and yeah they were dancing real close to get that muddy))) the croud starts to yell and bang on the doors to get out but the security guards start shooting at anyone who tries. People are crying, some people are running, and some people are clapping for celery as she juggles mr. krabs claws with her feet.)

Jin: “ewww hobi that has butt germs”

(Hobi ignores him and continues to lasso people, Antonio and tae are running because they don't want to be lassoed up to where Dylan is. So the run until tae slips is the mud pit. mr krabs leggless armless corpse rises to the sky but then get stuck on the ceiling.)

End scene


	31. S.c.e.m.e 29

S.c.e.m.e. 29

(Lights up on a sketchy house in the woods. The lighting makes the house look very eerie. The interior of the house is lined with shelves overflowing with bottles with mysterious liquid and miscellaneous items. In the middle of the room, Anu is stirring a cauldron.)

Anu: “Hehehehe. I’ll be rich I say! Rich! After I distribute this growth formula I'll make millions off insecure males. Hehehe. I just have to make sure mr. crabs keeps growing and giving me his eyes. Crab eyes are hard to come by.”

(A knock at the door. Anu goes to answer. A masked man appears.)

Masked man: “Hello i’ve come for ahem... the product.”

Anu: “Yes yes come on in. but first i have to see your face. I need to know if you are authorized to buy the stuff.”

(The man removes the mask revealing himself to be Namjoon)

Anu: “Ah yes, a regular. Have a seat and I’ll get you the product.”(Namjoon sits at her table) “Extra strong I presume”

Namjoon: “Yes...but it isnt my fault you see. I didn’t really need this whole growth thing before but my partner is um...demanding”

Anu: “That’s what they all say. Look I don’t judge ok, i’ve seen far worse cases.”

Namjoon: “ok”

Anu: “Besides, now that I have a consistent crab eye supplier I can make the extra strong stuff and don’t have to worry about running out of eyes.”

Namjoon: “Oh? Who’s the crab? Can I meet them?”

Anu: “It’s a crab named mr. crabs. Have you met him”

Namjoon: “Yeah I’ve met him. He’s really your supplier?”

Anu: “Yes? Why?”

Namjoon: “I didn’t know dead crabs could regrow eyes.”

Anu: “He’s WHAT now?”

Namjoon: “Dead. Oh you didn’t know? He died at the hoedown earlier today.”

Anu: “WHAT?!?! Oh no, this is really bad for business.”(Anu starts pulling out her own hair. Once she is bald, she turns to namjoon and pulls his out too. When they are both bald she stops.)

Namjoon: “WTF?!?! MY HAIR!”

Anu: “Well, I can make you a deal. I’ll give you one more growth formula but this is the last one since I can no longer get crab eyes. I’m in financial ruin! Geez! Anyway, I’ll let you leave here with only one bottle of growth formula and a wig. Got it?”

Namjoon: “Oh man. Jin will be so disappointed. Oh well, gimme that wig.”

(Anu quickly fashions a wig out of straw she has laying around and sends Namjoon out her door. The hair doesn’t really look real, but it’s ok. Namjoon has bigger problems to attend to.Like how Jin will feel when he tells him about the growth formula situation.)

Anu(calling after joon): “And don’t come back ever! I'm bankrupt! *sobs*”

End scene


	32. Screne 30

Screne 30

(Yoongi sat on the couch in his pajamas, Jesus in the other room. He was job hunting because the dennys got exploded, when he heard a knock at the door. He got up to answer it and was surprised to find Namjoon(his boss & jin the owner of his favorite strip club)(their also friends but whatever right?)(namjoons hair looked a lil off)

Yoongi: “you guys are getting mud on my carpet.”

Jin: “oops sorry.”

(they step back)

Namjoon.: “we need your help.”

Yoongi: “ok”

Namjoon: “do you have the frisby?”

Yoongi: “what”

Namjoon: “nevermind let's go jin.”

(they walk out of the apartment.)

Jesus: “who was at the door?”

(he had previously walked out of his room.)

Yoongi: “dunno, just some loser and da boss.”

(he decided he'd take a break from job hunting and just go on tinder,(he hears a knock at the door. It's mallory this time. He shuts it in her face.(they have a bad past. (let's just say mallory was casually eating at dennys when she heard that Celery broke up with her, from the doctor, which was her. And started throwing plates, yoongi got mad and thrue a steaming half baked potato at her and then a lot of shit went down, lets just say it was slimy, that's where the rivalry came from.)

Door: “that fucking hurt man.”

Yoongi: “Well if you knew her you'd shut it too, last time she came here she threw a carton of eggs at me. It took forever to get out of the carpet.

Door: “ok but like, these hinges are old man.”

Yoongi: “yeah i know”

Door: “now if i could get myself a nice door like maybe one of em french ones now that be the dream life.”

Yoongi: “eww”

(Jesus moans from his room. LouDly.)

Jesus: “aahhh spaghetti.”

Door: “knock knock”

Yoongi: w”Who is it this time? I'm getting done with this god forsaken door”

(he opened the door to revel koo, in a rain jacket, soaked.)

Yoongi: “bro is it raining?”

Kook: “yes, yoongi i have to tell you something, it's really important.”

Yoongi: “look if it's something about jimin, i've already told you that's in the past i don't like him.”

Koo: “no not that i…. I killed a krab, and i don't know what to do.”

End scene


	33. SCUm dirty one

SCUm dirty one

(Jin and Namjoon walk into their potential house, their realtors unus and annus behind them.)

Unus: “Welp, what do you boys think of this house? If you like it you can take it now. Annus and I have got something important to attend to regarding Annus’ Anus.”

Namjoon: “This place is lovely, do you like it?”

Jin: “Namjoon, did you see the bathroom in this house?”

(annus flips his imaginary long hair and scoffs at them.)

Annus: “please just buy this house. You’ve seen 128 houses already.”

Jin: “what the hell, why didn't you tell me.”

Namjoon: “We’ll take it. It’s perfect for us and our baby if he ever comes back from time out.”

Unus: “Thank god. Goodbye.”

(Unus and Annus storm out)

Jin: “But wait we didn’t pay! Oh well free house.”

Namjoon: “When can we start decorating jin?”

Jin: “when the moving van gets here. I mean when we hire a moving van, and then put all the furniture in it.”

Namjoon: “Ok ok. I just needed to know when we would get our fridge. I need to refrigerate my *cough* last *cough* growth formula so it doesn’t go bad.”

Jin: “WhAt?”

Namjoon: “ummmm. What i’m trying to say is, when will we get our fridge?”

(a fridge falls from the sky, breaks through the roof and lands next to namjoon. The ceiling reincarnates. Namjoon’s wig falls off in all the kerfuffle.)

Jin: “you're bAlD??”

Namjoon: “Huh? No I’m not bald, can’t you see my clearly real hair and not a wig the witch gave me?”

(namjoon looks to the ground to see the straw wig on the floor in pieces.)

Jin: “ummmm…”

Namjoon: “Jin baby ummmm, listen i’m sorry but the witch ran out of stock of crab eyes and, long story short, no more growth formulas and I’m bald.”

Jin: “well why didn't you tElL MeeE? My cousin is a crab and he is constantly taking out his eyes to see how fast they can grow back.”

Namjoon: “Wait really? Baby i’m so glad. Now you won’t be disappointed in me for being bald or my ummm ickle john willy.”

Jin: “You're still bald.”

Namjoon: “but babe I thought you like bald guys.”

Jin: “no just dwayne the rock johnson.”

Namjoon: “You mean I don’t look like the rock?”

(unus and annus brake through the door.)

Annus: “oops sorry to interrupt you to. Now for the MONEY!!!!”

(Namjoon opens his wallet. Thousands of baby crabs fall out. Namjoon reaches into the wallet and pulls out a single dollar)

Namjoon: “This should cover it.”

Unus:”thank you very much sire.”

(Unus winks, on their way out Jin throws the fridge at unus but he doesn't notice.)

Namjoon: “Babe that was so hot. Wadda you say we go put that last growth formula to use;)

End scene…


	34. Scene thirty two

Scene thirty two

haha

Anu: “yeehaw.”

Mallory: “Yippee Kaiyay”

(throws cowboy hat at anu, leaving only 3 on her head)

Anu: “man i really wish i was made of cheese.”

Mallory: “I am. Take a bite”

(anu takes a bite of mallory's arm, she is pleasantly surprised with the taste of cheese. Mallory’s arm grows back.)

Anu: “wowie.”

(A knock at the door. Namjoon enters.)

Namjoon: “Oh there you are oh great witch. I have some joyous news to bring to your ears at the moment..”

Anu: “don't make me rip out all your hair again!!, i have already found another job. I am a world famous comedian.”

(Namjoon caresses his smooth scalp in genuine fear.)

Namjoon: “Oh great witch, I am oh so pleased you have achieved such success in the comedy industry, but trust me when I say you will desire to hear this news out.”

Mallory: “What is it you rubber armed freak.”

Namjoon: “Well great witch, It so happens I have found you a new crab eye supplier.”

Anu: “ok cool.”

Namjoon: “I am glad that you are appeased. I will send you his contact later. Au revoir” (Namjoon bows on his knees. On his way out the door)

Mallory: “what was all that?”

Anu: “just a lil side business of mine.” 

Mallory: “Are you really a comedian?”

Anu:”not yet”

Mallory: “BAZINGA! I have an idea!”

Anu: “Yes?”

Mallory: “Ok get this. I know this might sound a lil wild but stay with me. We become a comedian duo and we start to book gigs but then, And stay with me now. We become comedians so that we can have an in with the comedy community and then, and this may be crazy but, we start to use the power we accumulate to murder other comedians. Then, we can kill all other comedians in the comedy market, effectively causing us to hold a monopoly on the comedy industry. We’ll be rich, I say. RICH!”

(mallory pulls out all her hair in the glory of her decision. She is now just as bald as anu but with more blood dripping from her scull.)

Anu: “good idea. Who do we kill first?”

Mallory “Hmmm. We’ll find our first target at the comedy/tea party/strip club tonight. HAHHAHAHA!”

Anu: “ok kool letz go”

(Mallory dive off the diving board, she realizes too late that she is going to miss the pool, for she dived off the wrong end. When she is about to hit the ground and die, Anu uses her witch powers to save her.)

Mallory: “Ok now let’s go book a gig at that club.”

(they exit by flying through the roof and over the city, Mallory forgot that she can fly.)

End scene


	35. Sceen thirsty three...

Sceen thirsty three…

(after hoedown.)

Tae: “Uck scooping up this mud is gross. How did this mud even get like this? Some people are pigs.”

Antonio: “hey tae do you think that we would like… get some coffee at the rebuilt starbucks after we clean up all these dead bodies n shit.?”

Tae: “Antonio what are you doing?”

Antonio: “look i get if you don't want to but seeing as were handcuffed here i don't really think you have a choice.

Tae: “umm. That’s actually pretty romantic.”

Antonio: “ok”

Tae: “yeah lets do that.”

Antonio: “Wait tae, I-i need to know. How do you really feel about me.”

Tae: “NO WAY IN HELLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Antonio: “Please don’t change the subject. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

Tae: “frick yes lets go now.”

Antonio: “Sorry tae, I really don’t want to mess up our relationship as fellow hostages but I have something important to tell you.”

Tae: “wait what?”

(the music starts, a duet)

Antonio:   
Tae I’ve got something to confess  
I hope you’ll hear out what i’ll address  
For years now, I’ve watched you from afar  
Over those you have become my star  
Oh taehyung I love you  
My heart’s been skewered by bamboo  
From all the things i’ve been thro-o-ogh  
Tae: “what?” (not sang)

Antonio:  
When i was young and being a stalker  
You were my focus you gave me a shocker  
Your beauty and style outshone all around  
So I left my wife to rot on the ground.  
Yes I left my wife for you Taetae  
I strait up left her on the highway  
Then i took two of her arms   
Left her for you and your charms  
And now weir stuck here on this goddamn frikin farms.

Tae: “Hold on hold on.”

First off, I’ve known you a couple of days  
But now you're acting all close like mayonnaise  
That stuff’s delicious but i don’t know bout you  
I have the flu achoo  
Now that im so sneeeezzzzzyyyyyy  
I see you’ve always been sleazy  
Also wait what you were stalking   
At me you were always gawking  
That sounds very creepy if i say so myself  
Even creepier than the elf on da shelf  
Sorry I don’t love you, I don’t think I can  
I could never love a creepy stalker man

An:  
How could you say that? you've broken my heart  
Te:  
See you have a heart but I like to fart.  
an:  
I’m sorry I’ve ruined our relationship  
Te:  
You should be now get a grip on my pirate ship  
An:  
I should have stayed with my wife instead of getting broken  
Te:  
I will remain unspoken….

Te and ant:  
Oh whyyyyyyyyyyyy is love so difficult  
I cryyyyyyyyyyyy like I’m trapped in a cult  
The cult of love, you can never escape  
Like your hands are tied in loads of duct tape  
My heart is poundinnnnnnnn like a heartbeat   
Without love we are all incomplete  
To me you are variety meat  
Cause you’re always a surprise  
Now it’s time for our goodbyes

(peano solo)

(Through the solo the two do a sad dance whiled handcuffed together. Antonio looks at Tae lovingly yet sadly the whole time, while Tae looks confused?/a lil hurt and angry)

(Song ends)

Tae: “Anty, i-i’m so sorry but I have to go.”

Antonio: “A-anty?”

Tae: “I mean antonio. I’m so sorry, goodbye.”

(Tae goes to leave but is stopped by the handcuffs. He loses his balance and falls in the mud, followed by antonio who falls on top of him with a squelch.)

End scene


	36. 34th scene

34th scene

(Lights up on a prison. The prison is surrounded by lava. Inside is baby jackson.)

Jackson: (Singing)

Got these chains on me  
Yeah this is p-pop  
Got these chains on me  
P stands for prison pop  
Yes I will become a prison pop star  
By singing in jail I’m sure to go far

(A rattling on Jackson’s cell bars shakes him out of his bluesy song. He looks up to see y/n and Hunter standing at his cell door.)

Y/n: “Let us in, you criminal!”

Jackson: “Why should I let you in *scoff* Dirty pig” (Jackson received a neck tattoo while in prison)

Hunter: “Let us in or you’re not getting any more whiskey!”

Jackson: “Threats huh? fine, you’ve forced my hand. Lucky for you I’m an alcoholic.”

(Jackson lumbers over to the cell door dejectedly. He opens the cell door and lets them in.)

Y/n: “Why do you look so sad? You deserve all the time you’re serving. The actions you have taken...god you’re disgusting.”

Jackson: “That sure is rich coming from someone trying to trick her husband into believing she loves him.”

Y/n: “Well at least i’m not a murderer!”

Hunter: “Wait a second...you don’t love me?”

Jackson: “Oh please, don’t be so naive, dad. Oh wait, I shouldn’t even call you that should I?”

Hunter: “What? But I am your dad. Y/n and I are you parents.”

Jackson: “PSHH! You mean you really are that dumb. That whore wife of yours doesn’t really love you and I’m not even your kid!”

Y/n: “Jackson! Stop right there!”

Jackson: “No I don’t think I will mother. I bet your husband doesn’t even know that my real father is his own brother kim namjoon, our future president.”

Hunter: (Looking furious) “Y/n! Is this true?”

(Y/n backs into the corner of the jail cell, all of the things she didn’t want her husband to know being revealed. She starts breathing heavy and ripping out her teeth. Jackson begins getting another face tattoo.)

y/n: “you little bitch how could you tell him all my secrets like that!!”

Hunter: “y/n why would you sleep with my brother??!”

y/n: “loo, it was like a one month thing he has really nice thighs and all you do all day is play minecraft or hangout with jesus.”

Hunter: “look cool down we can work this out.”

(y/n burst into tears,)

Jackson: can you leave now and let me get my tattoo in peace.”

y/n: “i swear if you keep acting like that jackson i'm going to have to like through you into the lava or something.”

Hunter: “hey hun jesus is calling me to play fortnight with him, can we resolve this later ok?”

y/n: “fine.”

(hunter leaves. Being careful two only step on the lava rocks that won't explode.)

Jackson: “hey bro where's my whisky??”

y/n: “you think you're getting any wiky after that you little hooligan! Think the frick again!!.”

Jackson: “look mom, you know very well the only reason i keep you around is because you give me alcohol,”

(y/n is furious at this point so furoins she picks up jackson by the ear walks outside the cell and worlds her arm around twice before letting go and throwing him into the pit of lava she feels no regret though she knows that she should. Jackson is screaming and yelling. everything about him is on fire then he drowns, eventually his corps crisps up and turns to ashes. They disintegrate into the lava and he is gone. Forever. Until he gets reincarnated. A misty spirit comes out from the smoke holding baby jackson's dead spirit.)

y/n: “who the hell are you???”

Mr crabs/ mr crabs ghost: “i am the ghost of the decided mr crabs”

y/n: “wait thats kind of hot.”

Mr crabs/ mr crabs ghost: “thank you.”

y/n: “so like u wanna kiss me?”

Mr crabs/ mr crabs ghost:”i'm literally the ghost version of a crab from a kids show.”

y/n: “and”

Mr crabs/ mr crabs ghost: ”you sure you wanna do this?”

y/n: “of course i am.”

(She smirks and bats her eyelashes at him; he unclaws the dead child spirit and hovers closer to Y/N, she puts her hand on the back of mr.crabs new eye socket. And looks straight into his eyes. They then kiss. a lot.)

End scene.


	37. Scene thirty 5

Scene thirty 5

(lights up on jins strip club which is now all purple, it is comedy club day at Jin’s comedic strip TEAse and anu and mallory sit to the side of the stage.)

anu : “wowie sure am ready to get famous off of killing comedians better than us.”

Mallory: “shhhhhhh people will hear you.”

Anu: “So what we'll kill em too.”

(jins voice is echoing from the speakers.)

Jin: “and now for our next stand up comedians we have dr. phil and charlie, formally known as charphil.”

(the croud goes wild)

Jin: “you may know then from their netflix special keeping up with the life of charphil, or their romance movie, charphil island.)

(the ground goes wild again.)

(they step up on stage where everybody can see um, they take their seats next two their mikes)

(as they start their act, Mallory and anu creep like little squeaky spidies to the side of the stage.)

Mallory: “when should i cut it?”

(she is referring to the ropes that hold the sandbags up from the side.)

-Earlier this evening-

(Mallory and anu come early to the club to help set up, but know one notices the sandbags filled with heavy bombs they put over the stage.) they glare when they see dr. phil and charlie enter. Yet they stay away. Completely oblivious to the fact that they could have killed them then, and not when they were on stage performing, but what can you say when your working with two dummies like that.)

-back to present-

Anu: “now!”

(Mallory cuts the bag of heavy bombs and they drop two hit dr. phil and charlie in the head. Blood starts spewing out their eyes, then the eyes pop out and the blood turns glittery. Eventually they stop bleeding, and just lay their lifeless on the ground, covered in glitter.)

(the crowd is in shock, cleaner man/ghost of police officer three comes out and mops the blood away.)

Jin: “next up is anu and mallory, a rather new duo, but already more alive then charphil. (you hear him shrug)”

Anu: “Thank you thank you. What a wonderful crowd we have this evening!” 

(The crowd is silent)

Mallory: “Geez anu, this sure is a tough crowd. I guess you could say it’s DEAD silent.”(She motions to the two corpses)

The crowd: “BOoOO. Too soon!”

Anu: “Anyway. Wanna hear a funny story mallory?”

Mallory: “Sure anu”

Anu: “The other day I was working my job as a doctor when I accidentally murdered justin beiber by fudging his lung transplant.”

Mallory: “Ummmm...I was literrally there.”

Anu: (To Mallory) “Just play along”

Mallory: “oh...HAHAHA so funny!”

The crowd: “BOOOOOoOO! That isn’t even a joke! BOOOoooOOOo!”

Anu: “AHHH! Oh you guys scared me! I thought you were ghosts with all that booing!”

Mallory: “Esspecially you.” 

(She points to ghost of police officer three while saying this. He rolls his eyes)

The crowd: “BOOooOOO! That’s so racist against ghosts. Get off the stage!”

Anu: “Man, we sure are killing tonight!”

Mallory: “Don’t blow our cover!”

(The crowd continues to boo anu and mallory as the spotlight shifts over to the other side of the club. Jimin is sat alone at a table, looking sad.)

Jimin: (To himself, sarcastically) “Oh yeah, this comedy show is TOTALLY helping me cheer up.”

(Suddenly the doors of the club open and in walks none other than jeon jungkook. He skans the club and his eyes meet Jimin's. Jungkook then strides over to where Jimin is sitting.)

Jungkook: “JImin! There you are! I’ve been looking all over. I really need to talk to you.”

Jimin: “Jungkook. I’m so glad you’re feeling better but i’m sorry, I can’t talk now. I’m too busy enjoying this comedy show. 

(The two look over to the stage, where the crowd have started throwing their tables and chairs at anu and mallory. Jungkook raises an eyebrow at jimin.)

Jungkook: “really Jimin? Are you really enjoying this?”

Jimin “Yes, of course I-”(Jimins voice cracks like he’s yodeling. He tries to cover it up by actually yodeling)

Jungkook: “Wow Jimin! That’s some real talent, But I still know you don’t really want to be here. Just come with me Jimin. I need to tell you something really important.”

Jimin: “But Jungkook, I’m not good for you. Are you sure we should still hang out?”

Jungkook: “Of course I’m sure Jimin. Now come on, follow me out of here.”

Jimin: “But I-(Jimin gives up)Fine I’ll go Jungkook, but I’m sorry in advance.”

Jungkook: “Don’t be sorry. Now come on Jiminie.”

(Jungkook takes Jimin’s hand and they both blush. They leave the club together while mallory and anu are literally being forced off the stage by the newly hired bodyguards.)

End scene  
End Scene


	38. Sen 36

Sen 36

(Lights up on the denny’s. It is currently being reconstructed. And has no roof.)

Hibi: “Wow, the sky sure is pretty tonight, ain't it baby”

Dylan: “Not as pretty as my third eye before i lost it *sob*”

(Hobi takes his hand)

Hobi: “It’s ok baby cakes, you may have lost your third eye but you gained me. Together we have six eyes.”

Dylan: “Sniff. You always know how to make me feel better bobi. That's why I love u.”

Yoongi: “what can i get for you two dumbasses today, welcome two dennys.”

Habi: “I’ll have a classic southern fried chicken on the cob. What’ll you have buttercup.”

Dylan: “I’ll have this fine man across the table from me. Haha I’m only teasing you bohi. I’ll have chicken noodle soup.”

(yoongi is nodding his head through all of this yet is not contemplating anything or writing anything down. He is too lost in the two men before him to register anything. So he just walks away with know idea what to tell the chef.)

Dylan: “You know, yoongi is pretty cute. What do you think hoehoe?”

Hogi: “i mean duh! Why else would I have square danced with him on that Tuesday in 2039?”

Dylan: “Honestly he seems so great. And he gels perfectly with us.”

Hiho: “yes ma’um, i wouldn't even mind if that cutie pie decided to propose to the yall of us right now.”

(Yoongi overhears this from the kitchen and knows that his plan is a go. He walks out of the kitchen and towards hobi and dylan. A tray in hand. Their “food” is hidden under it.)

Yoongi: “Your order.”

Hobiu:”ummm yunny, i sure am hankerin for some cricken.” 

Dylan: “Yeah I can’t wait for my evil paws to dig right on in.”

Yoongi: “Well…”

(Yoongi hops up onto the table and gets down on one knee. He removes the lid on the tray and reveals two matching rings with diamonds as big as basketballs. They had to expand because they didn't fit under the trey. But it's all fine. They are def 100 percent diamond and not 50% latex 40% leather and a 10% coating of dog slobber.)

Yoongi: “I’ve loved both of you ever since I first saw you. Unfortunately I’m not good at showing affection so when you two got together I couldn’t do anything, but I was happy for you. But recently I realized that I can’t just stand by while you two live your life together without me. Dylan, Hobi, will you marry me?”

Hobu:: “yeehaw! and hell yes.! If that's ok with you sugar bunch”

(he looks over at Dylan, who has fainted. Hibo provides to squirt ketchup packets on him until he regains consciousness… about 30 minutes later.)

Dylan: (Still waking up) “Of course yoongi! If course we’ll marry you!”

(The three rejoice, hugging and even sharing some three-way kisses. They could not be happier.)

End scene


	39. Sc. 37

Sc. 37

(Lights up on the street outside Jin’s comedic strip TEAse. Jungkook and jimin bust out the door and stand on the street, gazing at each other. Jungkook looks like he has something to say.)

Jungkook: “damn these cars are loud as fuck.”

Jimin: “yeah they be zoomin”

(a giant amazon truck is traveling on the wrong side of the road and it crashes into a motercyclist. The motorcycle guy has long blond hair and a mustache but that is besides the point he is dead now, it was bound to happen someday, but Jared wasn't ready, he was in his early 20s and was engaged to a trapezist. The amazon truck fell on top of the man and crushed him. Jared felt the sudden impact before his life got sucked away from him. Blood was streaming from under the amazon truck. Billy champlin the driver of the vehicle was knocked unconscious, he differed from jared by the fact that he did deserve to die, he was a terrible driver.and a Trump supporter. Yet he did not die. Jared's life had ended too soon. What he didn't know before he died was that his wife was pregnant, but that also didn't really matter, because in three months she will have a miss carriage and lose the baby. And a month after that she will kill herself for not having anything to live for. R.i.p samantha, an award winning trapezist. Not everyone deserves to die, but everybody will eventually. Death is inevitable and can not be avoided. What does it matter anyway? Everyone as they live decide to live with restrictions, restrictions that really aren't there but only hold you back from living your real life. The human race is very dumb. And so is Billy champlin.)

Jungkook: “Listen jimin, now that iv’e got you alone. I need to tell you something really important. I wanted to tell you this for a while and I was gonna that time I passed but I couldn't. Anyway, here goes,”

(he takes a deep breath and begins his confession, however, nobody can hear it over the roaring sound of a tractor zooming by at 190 mph. He finishes his sentence looking nervous but relieved. Jimin looks confused.)

(the tractor also crashes into the amazon truck, now on its side, and zuko from avatar the last air bender (who was riding the tractor apparently) goes flying, he screams, then he splats into a giant billboard ad for the new chili peanut cheeseburger at burger king. The people who look at that sign from now on will think that that burger from burger king will cum with extra ketchup.)

Jimin: “I’m sorry what?”

Jungkook: “It’s ok, I understand if you don’t feel the same…” (sad boi)

Jimin: “No jungkook I couldn’t hear you because of the tractor. In fact, I still can’t hear you cause the tractor made my ears ring so bad.”

Jungkook: “Ok i’ll wait till you can hear.”

(The two have to wait 10 minutes until jimin’s hearing returns.)

Jimin: “Ah my ears work again. Ok jungkook what were you gonna say.”

Jungkook: “Jimin, I know this might be hard to believe, and I hope you aren’t too weirded out by this but...umm...I-I’m in love with you jimin.”

(Jimin does a backflip with fire shooting out his ears in his excitement before regaining his composure.)

Jimin: “Jungkook. I can’t believe this! I feel the same way! I love you! I have all along!”

Jungkook: “Oh shit really?”

(Jungkook breathes a sigh of relief and takes a step toward jimin. He takes jimin’s hand in his.)

Jimin: “giggle”

(The two lean into each other and share a passionate kiss right in the middle of the sidewalk. The busy people walking here and there have to awkwardly shuffle around the two as they make out. A little girl walking with her parents actually crawls in between their legs using them as a tunnel as she goes by. She is able do this because of their wide stance. They only finish their makeout session when their mouths are too dry to continue. All their saliva having been sucked up by one another. Needless to say, it was pretty hot.)

Jimin: “Wait, we can’t do this, what about our girlfriends?”

(Just then Karen runs up to them. She had seen them kissing.)

Karen: “OH MY GOD! I can’t believe this! I can’t believe you two are kissing. Do you have no re- re- respect for the dead?!?”

Jikook: “Huh?”

Karen: “You two are disrespecting jessica’s memory by making out. And I can’t believe you would cheat on me jimin!” (She starts to sob violently)

Jimin: “Wait a second. Jessica died?”

Karen: “yeah she died at the end of act 1. You didn’t know? How? Everyone knows.”

Jimin: (To jungkook) (not gagged) “Well I guess that solves one of our problems at least.”

(Billy champlin from the amazon truck is now conscious, during their conversion he had a slippy side his way over the ground between jimins legs. He aims the gun between karen breasteses.)

Billy: “gimme your money or i shoot ya.”

(Karen blinks, and Billy shoots.she makes a sound almost identical to the sound you hear when you pour water into a glass of ice and it crackles a lil funny. Karen collapses. Then Billy provides to try to put the gun in his pocket and shoots his dick off. The little girl from earlier comes near them and provides to eat both Karen and billy. (they both deserved to die.) the girl then curtsies and morphs into an ape, then runs away while only running on the apes toenails.)

Jungkook: “And that takes care of our other problem. So jimin, (He gets down on one knee) Will you be my boyfriend?”

Jimin: “Yes of course Kookie!”

(the two embrace and kiss)

Jungkook: “Wanna go back to my apartment?”

Jimin: “Let’s go. Also I picked a little something up from a certain witch that recently went back in business. Maybe we can use it ;)”

(Jimin pulls a little vial out of his back pocket. Jungkook smirks and the two walk off headed to Jungkook’s apartment.)

End Scen


	40. Sn. 38

Sn. 38

(Jesus cums into the room and gives everyone a collective pat on their backs with his large, clammy, hammy hand. Antonio and Tae are handcuffed. Not gagged.)

Jesus: “Alright, thank you for coming everyone. I hope we can all work together and reopen this starbucks. (Gasp) Nani! Antonio? Tae? How did you escape?”

Antonio: “it literally got blown up bitch.”

Jesus: “oh yeah..”

Tae: “we are here to confront you.”

Jesus: “ok”

Antonio: “why did u tell dylan to capture us in the fist place.?”

Jesus: “well you see lavinia (point to her) is my sister. And you. Antonio. Broke up with her because you were in love with this dude right here. what's your name boi?”

(he points to tae.)

tae(gagged and handcuffed): “tae”

Jesus: “ok.. I totally understand you through your gag. Well then i told dylan to capture you to get revenge. Makes sense right. Well yeah ok.”

Lavinia: “jesus i had know idea. that's so romantic. (bats eyelashes).

(sweet home alabama)(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NshQKDfFPlw)

(Jimin bursts through the door, his butt very prominent.)

Tae(still very gagged, so very gagged that he is slightly turning purple, about two minutes before he passes out.) :”jimin. My ex that i have a very weird past with. Who broke up with me because he didn't like to see other people ogling over my booty and chestiacals?”

(sice how gagged he is it sounds like “google gaga gooo ga gooa ga ga go hohi gooey?”)

Antonio: “you dated jimin?”

Tae: “Hoagie goo ho ig gggoooooie gug gooi.”

(antonio huffs back into his seat.)

Jimin: “ jesus i heard from some people that your being a lil bitch so i'm here to burn your ass off, so the jibooty will forever be bigger than the jubooty.”

(they basically play a game of tag, with jimin chasing jesus. Until jimin pulls the ultimate moves and reverses his running. They crash together and i won't describe this in to much detail cause its gross but lets just say some ass burin  
Went down….)

End scene.


	41. SCHENE 39

SCHENE 39

(Lights up on hunters apartment. He is sitting on his couch playing minecraft when there is a loud knock knock knock at the door.)

Hunter: “I’m cuming!”

(He moseys over to the door and opens it. He is met with the faces of namjoon and jin, uncomfortably close to him.)

Hunter: “Umm...hello?”

Namjoon: “Hey bro, we have come to collect our lil bad boy jackson.”

Hunter: “Oh...Well, Y/N threw him into some uh- lava.”

Jin: “WHAT!?!?” 

(Jin screeches and pounces on top of hunter in his fury and anguish. He looks like a wild animal. He proceeds to try to yank out hunters hair, but when he tries, all the hair comes off at once. Hunter had been wearing a wig this whole time. Sneaky guy.)

Hunter: “AAAAAHHHHH!!!! Get off me get off me! I didn’t kill him!”

Jin: “True, true. (Jin smiles and stands up) I never loved him anyways, I understand why Y/N did it.”

Namjoon: “Yeah, finally we can have some privacy Jin.”

Jin: “Yeah joon. Honestly i’m glad hes dead and gone. He sucked anyway lol. He’s probably an awful ghost too.”

Namjoon: “He I’m glad he can’t hear what we’re saying now, that would make him an angry ghost lol. That’d probably be dangerous. Lol. good thing hes dead. Let’s go home jin.

(Little did they know, the ghost of jackson was in the room the whole time. Listening and plotting his revenge.)

End scene.


	42. csene 40

csene 40

(Lights up in Jungkook’s apartment. The boys look sweaty and tired. Jk is shirtless and Jimin has a cowboy hat on his foot. The vial from earlier is empty. Idk why)

Jimin: “Sigh. ok jungkook, how do you want your eggs?”

Jk: “i want em how i like my women, nonexistent. egg are discustang.”periot...

Jimin: “So true.” 

(The two share an intimate high five.)

Jungkook: “but actually jimin I do want eggs.”

(JImin gets up and goes to the stove he cracked some eggs into the pan and started frying it up. He then chopped up vegetables to cook with the eggs.)

Jimin: “You want celery with your eggs jungkook?”

(Suddenly Jungkook looks startled. Celery just happens to be jk turn on word, oops I mean the word that makes him change into celery… not like that ok… im fuking dum. Like my mom always says (sing song voice) “some thoughts say inside your head not everything comes out your mouth.” What that means is that I need to think about how the thing I'm trying to write is going to actually sound before I write it. Anyway…. Celery just happened to be jungkook's word that makes him change into celery.(but like it doesn't roll off the tongue like that but whatever.) Jungkook starts to spin, the hue around him turning lightly green, the waft of celery hits Jimin's nose. Jungkooks face starts to morph, freckles are added and he starts to look younger like a certain 14 year old crab killer from the hoedown scene on page 62-66. Jungkook is now fully celery all green and short. She is now wearing shorts and a crop top made from celery along with a celery crown on her bouncy green curls.)

Celery: “Ugh what happened. Where am I? Why was jungkook here?”

Jimin: “AAAAAHHHHHH What happened to koo?!”

Celery: “Oh you didn’t know? Ok I’ll do my best to explain, but I really think jungkook should be the one to tell you.”

Jimin: “Who are you and why are you 39% Bok choi?!?”

Celery: “Ummm...ok rude, first off it’s 40% and second off, I’m celery you idiot.”

Jimin: “What’s celery?”

Celery: “Uh oh, looks like the temporary celery amnesia is setting in, I better administer the shot. Hold still.”

(Celery pulls out a syringe and begins to chase jimin around with it. He is screaming all the way. Eventually she pins him down and sticks the shot directly in the middle of his forehead. She stands up.)

Celery: “Do you remember what celery is now?”

Jimin: “Of course I know what celery is, and you seem to be 40% made of it.”

Celery: “Good, he’s come out of shock.”

Jimin: “But who are you?”

(By now the eggs are burning.)

(celery explains everything.)

Celery: “im usually jk but then when u say the word celery i change to me for five hours at a time. Yup that's it. (makes eye contact with every Member of the audience. For three seconds each.(real close asswell, yet she skips over anyone who is a police officer. (depending on your theater this can take 6-40 hours.)

(Mr. crabs ghost suddenly ripples into the scene. Spooky noises plays.)

Mr. crabs ghost: “Jimin, don’t trust celery, she was the cause of my death.”

(He starts fading away.)

JImin: “Wait! Mr. crabs, what are you doing as a ghost! When did you die? Why did celery kill you? Did jungkook have something to do with it?”

Mr. crabs: (Still fading away) “I’m sorry jimin I can’t answer your questions. There isn’t enough time.” 

(He disappears, even though he really didn’t have anywhere else to be. Jimin sobs cause he just learned of the death of his mentor.)

Celery: “I killed him because I wanted crab legs for lunch. What's the problem? Did you know him?”

Jimin: “yes he was my mentor but its fine i didn't really like him that much and he was a horrible rapper.”

(Little did he know the ghost of mr. crabs was still in the room, invisible. He heard all of what jimin said and he was getting angy.)

Jimin: “Anyway, I guess I’ll just wait till jungkook returns.”

(The two sit in awkward silence for 5 hours.)

End scene


	43. Pceeene 41

Pceeene 41

(Lights up on the ghost clubhouse. Jackson is in the middle of the clubhouse directing all the ghosts to their seats.)

Jackson: “Hello fellow ghosts! I hope you get to your seats ok. I’ve got some big ghost news for all of you today.”

Lana babie version: “brother When u die, like lol?”

Jackson: “It was recently when I was unjustly thrown into the lava by our mother. After that my adopted dad and my biological dad were glad I was dead and gone.”

Ghosts: “Gasp! Ghostly ad libs. They are shocked”

Jackson: “I know! Only further proof that the living truly are heartless and do not care for anyone. They despise us ghosts!”

Charlie: “i was wrongly killed by some dumb people just so they could make more money. It was horrible, I want revenge.”

Dr. Phil: “Omg tea sis, same here.”

Dylan’s third eye: “eye language”

Jessica: “My boyfriend cheated on me and didn’t even care that I had died!”

Karen: “My boyfriend cheated on me with her boyfriend and was happy when I died.”

Ghost 1: “I was already a ghost and I died, nobody cared and those doctors didn't help.”

Ghost 2: “i am a ghost so i've been dead for like 40 years but whatever, lets riot.”

Police officer 5:” huh?”

Snake 1: “I was brutally murdered ssssssimply for being myssself and having a good time. My murderer felt no remorsssse.”

Snake 2: “SSSSSame thing with me.”

Justin beiber: “i, me a, very rich person, i was murdered my these two dumb nurses. They never transplanted my lungs/ they literally plied them out of my body and never put anything back. And for what?”

Lana non baby: “I fell off the ceiling killing the snakes. No hard feelings bois. I just don’t like the guy that told me to kill ya.”

Manjari: “I died following orders. The man who ordered me and got me killed just replaced me when I died. He didn’t care about my life. I don’t care about him.”

Zuko:” i dun got splatted.”

Jared: “i am ded”

Billy:(redneck accent) “i just shot my dick off and then got eaten by a four year old girl.” 

Mr. Crabs: “I was murdered in cold blood for my meat. My own student trash talked me when he heard I died. Absolutely no re-re-respect. Little bass turd.”

Jackson: “You see! This is something all us ghosts have in common. We have been through the ringer and did we get any re-re-respect from the living? No! We were even mocked! I say we start a riot and maybe give them a little taste of what true pain is like. What it’s like to be a ghost. Who’s with me?”

Ghosts: “YEAH!”

Jackson: “Great! Now it’s time for the ghost pledge.”

Ghosts:   
I pledge my death to jackson and his wang  
I will not respect the living  
I will ummmm… disrespect the living

Jackson: “That was so beautiful *sniff* You’ve brought tears to my eyes.”

Ghosts: “BOOOOOOOO!”

Jackson: “Now let’s go give them living a taste of their own medicine!”

(The ghosts charge out of the clubhouse, Jackson leading the pack.)

End Scene


	44. Scene e peen e 42...

Scene e peen e 42… 

dICk plans: “yo”

(The light opens to a tea party at jins strip club. celebrating jackson's death. In the room are rm, jin, yoongi, hobi, dylan, jimin, tae, jk, antonio, mallory, anu, shoes, y/n, hunter, yoongi's door, and billy champlin. Link in the tea, and rhett in a tuxedo)

Namjoon: “Everyone gather round as I propose a tea toast!”

(Everyone gathers round)

Namjoon: “Here yee here yee! I would like to thank everyone gathered here to celebrate the death of our former child, Baby Jackson. He only lived to be 2 days and that was already far too long. The amount of havoc he wreaked on our town was astronomical. I think I speak for all of us when I say I’m glad he is dead and gone. Now sip up that tea!”

(They all collectively sip one giant cup of tea with a person in it.)

All: “Owchie! TOO HOT! But so sooo good!”

Jin: “Oh look at that. We’re all out of tea, I’ll go get some more.”

Dylan: (To sope)“Man I am so happy right now, I love you two. I don’t know what i’d do without you.”

Sope: “And we love you.”

(Jin turns in the direction of the kitchen but when he gets to the door, he opens it and all the ghosts come charging out of the kitchen. Spooky!)

Jin: “EVERYONE GET DUCK AND COVER!”

(They all flip the giant tea cup over and climb under it, cowering from the ghosts. Ejecting their urine on the way inside.)

Song begins:

Ghosts:  
We are the ghosts  
We haunt and spook all day  
Enough with foolish toasts  
We’ll chew ya like a buffet  
We’ve had enough of the living  
Treating us like we’re nothing  
So now we’ll be unforgiving  
We’ll crush ya hit that nut button  
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvo4wy-FgiU)  
We are the ghosts  
It’s time for our attack  
Our leader, there he floats  
Is the wonderful ghosty jack(son)  
We’re super supernatural  
And we’re here to snatch your head  
Our glory’s international  
We’ll make all of you dead  
BOOO!

(teacup gets smashed)

People:  
eeek eeek ike ike  
My name is not mike

(the ghosts are throwing things everywhere. The people who were under the teacup are now scattered about the club/comedy club/tea party. The ghosts have now got a hold on the pale pink and blue decorations for the place and are catching them on fire from the torches in the entryway and throwing them around.)

Jm: “wait what is this, the ground is moving?!”

Namjoon “wait is this an earth quack?”

Yoongi: “guess so.?”

(the ground is not just shaky, it is knocking over the table and stuff, anu provides to grab a strip pole from out of the ground (with her buff, flexin, juicy, sharp, tasty, luscious, crisp, slimy muscles. She hits a ghost on the head wit it. The earthquake also created a giant pit the the bottom left corner of the room. lol.)

Anu: “bonk”

People chorus time!  
Living Assemble!

(They all gather up, they turn their jackets inside out and now they are all gold and sparkly.)

These ghosties better look out, we’re stronger than we look  
We got fire and witches on our side, We even got jungkook  
All you got is a baby and some spooky scary sounds  
You’re all boo no bite and your bodies are buried in mounds

Jimin:  
Sizzle sizzle spark spark I’m a master at my power  
Mr. crabs I see you, my mentor, take a flame shower  
You may have taught me all I know but I’m better than you now  
Now let me ask you quickly did you make a man out of thou?  
(Spit)

Y/n:  
Mr. crabs you’ve stooped so low, forget about all we had.

Mr. crabs:  
HAHA You two fools! I’ve always been a Chad!

People chorus:   
We are alive and we’ll kill you all again  
We’ll tear you up limb from limb, we’re done with being zen

(the army of ghosts runs around and throws the lit up decor everywhere. Jimin stands up and does a backflip then proceeds to shoots fire at the ghost of Lana's first reincarnation and she splits into three pieces: Her eyes are now adrift, her ghostly torso drops to the floor with a *cLuNk*, and her thiccqqq legs run around blindly trying to find people hiding under tables and various burning furniture. She eventually finds Link and dropkicks him.)

(dICk plans finds Lana’s disembodied legs and takes a swing at them with his axe. But he had too much momentum and ended up chopping his own head off, he fell to his knees (still very alive), and gave a cry for help while blood gushed out from his neck.)

(Link crawls over to dICk plans)

Link: (chants in an unknown language that no human should ever know.)

dICk plans’s headless body: “I always knew you secretly-” (dICk plans head and body simultaneously drop dead)

(The floating pieces of teacup above Mallory's head come down super quick. Link shovels her out of the way, to try to get a cup of the tea that one of the ghosts brought out. One of the pieces sliced straight through his skull, and body, bleeding everywhere. Jesus separates the two halves of link and somehow stops the bleeding. Anu throws one of her potions at him and he is magically stitched back together, but in two pieces. There are now two links walking around, and screaming.)

(unus and annus stare down at the now roofless building below them their tales catching the wind.)

Unus: “wow chaos.”

Annus: “if my predictions are true 13 will die.”

Unus: “well Annus your predictions are mostly on point”

annus : “we should probably leave before we become one of them.”

(they fly off into the distance wings flapping. Lightly chanting)

“UnnUs AANUUS Unus Annus.”

(On comes the chorus, in their chaos outfits. Nine inch red heels and hair teased so high. They are dressed in short short skirts with every pattern imaginable on them and no top at all, well, if you don’t count the snakes wrapped around their tiddies. They proceed to death drop all over the stage. They are singing notes almost higher than jimin’s all the while. By the time they are done, most of the bones in their bodies are all broken. None of them can stand and thus, they resign themselves to slowly die where they lie. Yes they die for real every production. A new chorus must be hired every show. In the end, the bodies of the chorus are simply another body to add to the slowly growing pile on stage. None of their names will be remembered.)

(Spotlight shifts over to Anu and Mallory. Anu Is throwing potions at everyone in sight and one of those people just so happens to accidentally be mallory.)

Mallory: “AHHH! Anu wot the fook!”

Anu: “Oops sorry, I got a potion to fix that.”

(Mallory is slowly transforming into a dolphin before her eyes.)  
Mallory: “EEE ee eee EEE!”

(Just in time, anu finds the antidote and pours it on mallory. Mallory becomes human again, but while they are still on the ground, vulnerable, they see a shadow loom over them.)

Charlie: “Well well well, look who it is, philly.”

(She bunches her own hand like a bully does.)

Dr. Phil: “I say we give them a taste of their own medicine.”

(He pulls out the sand bag with a bomb inside that was used to kill charphil. It still had their blood stains on it. He swings the bag around his head.)

Charlie: “Let’s do this!”

(They take the bags and begin to bludgeon anu and mallory to death with them. Though anu and mallory try to escape multiple times, their strength is no match for charphil. At some point the pain is so bad that anu and mallory wish they could just pass out, however, they are both conscious til the very last hit. They are awake when they have their teeth fall out, bones all shatter, brains are stabbed with their own skull bone fragments, fingernails torn out, and tootsies munched on. When the two are eventually allowed to die they are glad to go. No longer wanting to deal with the vicsious murder.)

Charlie: “Whoo I worked up a sweat!”

Dr. Phil: “I’ll say! Can’t wait to spill this tea with our fellow ghostie friends.”

Charlie: “I lit really cannot wait.”

(Charphil walk away sassily)

(Link was accidentally caught on fire in the midst of all of the fighting and he ran to the remains of the giant tea cup and tried to find any remaining drips of tea to help extinguish the fire, there was no tea to help. Soon the heat got to Link and he started to roll uncontrollably on the ground. On top of the glass shards. Slowly cutting into his skin as he burned.)

(Rhett ran over to Link.)

Rhett: “No man! We already had a plan to die together in the woods and have our family burn us like Darth Vader!”

Link (still rolling): “We can get to a hospital, don’t worry.”

Rhett: “No man. Have you seen who the doctors here are? I don’t think any of their patients have survived!”

Link (still rolling): *sighs*

(a table gets knocked over and smashes Links legs, he screams like the little girl he is.)

(the ghost snakess come sslithering over to Rhett and Link)

Snake 1: “It lookssss ass though you are in a ssstrange sssituation.” (the snake looks at Link who is now completely covered in blood, burning, and still rolling uncontrollably on the glass shards.)

Snake 2: “I’d love to sssseee more of this, but Jackson wanted us to finish you off”

(Snake 1 goes and wraps himself around Link's torso and crushes his ribcage. Snake 2 went for the neck and, of course, finished Link off while Rhett sat in a pool of Link's blood, crying and doing nothing.)

(Peacefully in the corner tae, antonio and zuko sit at a table, the table unlike the other ones, still has a checkered tablecloth, with matching color coranatied napkins with embroidered poodles in the corner, zuko is pour brewed tea into teacups for them.)

Zuko: “so tae… how have you been?”

Tae: “been good… how u doing.. Still with mai?”

Zuko: “cough.. Yeah she's still in the fire nation..”

Tae: “cool”

(they provide to all sip their tea simultaneously. Antonio makes a funny face)

Antonio: “wait why does the taste so weird?”

Zuko: “OOPS… did i put the poison in the wrong glass again?”

(he face palms on the table.)

Tae: “wait what you poisoned him?”

Zuko: “umm yeah.. Well you see i was trying to poison you and i put the poison glass in front of you but then you guys switched sides.. Remember?”

Tae: “oh yeah. We switched because that chiar (he points at Antonio's chair.) is 2.5 inches taller than this one. (points at his own chair.) Antonio likes to sit in the taller chairs………… wait you poisoned him?”

Zuko: “yeah i guess so… sorry dude”

(Antonio starts to choke and foam at the mouth, tae knows he is definitely going to die when Antonio's eye pupliues start to turn blue.) 

Zuko: “u got like 2 minutes at most man sorry. (he shrugs and gets up) gotta blast before you try to kill me or something.”

(tae feels split between chasing after zuko or staying with antonio. He decides on Antonio because he was dying. And also they were still handcuffed and you can't really just drag a dead body with you and still expect to win the fight. Plus duh zuko had fire powers.)

Tae: “antonio you can't die!”

(for some reason tae feels something, almost close to what normal people would call an emotion.) 

Tae: “Wh-what is this feeling, so sudden and new”

Antonio: (threw his foaming mouth) “Now is not the time to quote wicked. My life is on the line! I can feel myself slipping way.”

Tae: “i..i what am i supposed to do, how do i stop this???!”

Antonio: “Tae- I- I- dont think there is a way. I’m sorry tae but I just- before I go I need to tell you one more time…”

Tae: “no antonio i'm sure we can get help, we have jesus, and a witch.. I- i can't just let you die, not like this.

(tears are beginning to make appearances)

Antonio: “It’s-it’s ok tae, I didn’t have much to live for anyway, that is besides you. But I know you won’t return my feelings ever, so I don’t want to burden you by staying alive. I’m sorry tae but I- I…

Tae: “no just stay with me, please. You can't just die, i don't know if i can stand it.”

(he is def crying.)

Antonio: “Tae, I love you, goodbye…”(He goes limp.)

Tae: “No nonono...Antonio! I-*sniff* I love you too.” 

(He collapses onto Antonio in pure heartbreak.)

(Over in the corner Namjoon and jin have all the knives from the kitchen and are using them to try and cut the ghosts. Unfortunately it doesn’t work cause the knives go right through but at least they tried.)

Jin: “Damn it joon, I told you it wouldn’t work!”

Nmjn: “woah that was a big ass shake”

Jin: “Ow, are you kidding me! A ghost just scratched me right on my handsome face.”

Nmjn: “damn that sounds so tasty rn” (he licks his tongue while making direct eye contact with jin)

Jin: “Don’t even think about it babe.”

Nmjn: “sounds good to me”

(Jackson approaches)

Jin: “Look out namjoon!”

Nam: “what? is it another man eating a child?”

Jin: “no it is our child, does he eat people?”

Jackson: “HAHAHA, More than you could ever coil. You might be next.” (Licks lips)

Jin: “WhAT!? Namjoon, get behind me.”

( a piece of teacup crashes above them, the piece just so happens to cut the rope holding up a chandelier.   
It falls on top of jin. Jin falls to the ground a gaping wound on his forehead.)  
Jackson: “haha. That's what u get. Karmas a bitch.”

Jin: *gasp* “Ah! N-namjoon, please, h-help me.”

Nj: “how am i supposed to help?”

(all of a sudden another big ass earthquake shakes the room and widens the hole in the corner of the room. Getting dangerously close to where they are.the pit is miles deep btw.)

Jin: “AAHHHH---gludjsf”(He tries to scream but is cut off by his own blood streaming out of his mouth. Jackson watches and chuckles.)

Nmjn: “where the heck is Jesus and that witchy lady right about now? Could use some freaking help?”

Jackson: “It’s useless. That witch is long dead and jesus has abandoned you all. Hahaha”

(jackson gets blown away by a mysterious gust of wind coming from the roof that is no longer there, he hits the wall across from then and falls threw the floor, cause ‘ghost tings’)

Namjoon: “jin are you ok?”

Jin: “I don't know, I think i might be fine?”

(at that moment another chandelier comes crashing down this time being ridden by the ghost of baby2/lana, it smashes into jins face again and he tries to doge but just ends up waking strait into it. Namjoon who had tried to help him but tripped, shoves the chandelier of jin, at this point there is so much blood gushing. Namjoon screams jins name, but jin can hardly hear him. He can even feel the last of his consensus leaving him.)

Jin: “namjoon…”

Namjoon: “jin! No!!! You can't just die!! I know this is selfish but i don't think i can live without you. You- you just can't. You're the first person who I ever actually felt something with. You're the only one who has exempted me through everything, even my baldness. How can i even stand living without you! I don't know when, but sometime in the last three days something happened. I can't explain it any other way than just saying that I fell for you, not just using you for raising our child for me. I can't believe this, five years ago I told you I loved you and now it's coming back to bite me in the buttocks. I should have stayed back then, I should have found you, even just five more minutes with you would be better, but to think I ran into you five years ago.. I could have had five years with you. In three days you have managed to entrance me, keep hold of me and fall head over heels for you. (he doesn't know when but his words are now shaky and he is trembling.) i- i- i love you jin.

(he looks down at jin to only see that he is already dead. Limp. lifeless. A bloody mess. And he knows that there is no way he could have heard all that, or known how much he actually cared.)

(That same gust of wind, the one from earlier, gushes through the room. Everything feels so cold, almost colder than how Namjoon feels after losing the love of his life. The wind causes those fighting to fall over, including two ghosts nearby. The ghosts promptly hop back up and continue fighting, only to realize that they are both ghosts and are on the same team. The ghosts join hands and skip happily through all of the violence and tragedy. One of them accidentally kicks a small chunk of cheese over to where jin’s body is sprawled out. From deep inside the walls of the club, a skurrying can be heard. The cheese had summoned the rat strippers out of the rat hole in the wall. The wave of rats courses through the club, turning everything over and causing a major ruckus. They accidentally take Jin's body on their backs and carry him to the mile deep pit. He falls. The sound of him hitting the ground is never heard. Jin reached his final resting place, under the club that he had spent so much of his life running.)

(Dylan and sope barely jumped over the rat strippers. They are agile though, so they were able to pull the move off. Suddenly, the ghost of dylan's third eye moseys over to the three.)

Dylan’s third eye: “Eye language”

Yoongi: “Looky here eye. I don’t know what you’re saying, but don’t try anything funny on my fiancees!”

Hobi: “Goly! Ya sure are brave, bunchkins.”

Dylan’s third eye: “Eye language”

Dylan: “Gasp! How could you even think of something so despicable!”

(The third eye glows a ghostly bright blue and zooms toward Dylan at lighting speed. It touches dylans forehead and the flap from where the eye used to be held opens up. The eye forces it’s way inside the empty socket.)

Dylan: “AAAAAHHHH--eye language”

Sope: “NOOO! Dylan!”

Dylan: (Threatening) “eye language”

(The third eye is pointed directly at yoongi and hobi when it starts to glow a vibrant orange. The orange slowly turns to red and It is clear the eye is about to fire.)

Hobi: “Don’t shoot! Here in these parts we only use guns, eye lasers is just plain cheating!”

Dylan: “eye language”

(A beam of light fires directly at hobi and yoongi. Before the beam can reach them, none other than yoongi’s trusty door jumps in the way and blocks the shot. The door lands right on top of dylan, stopping the eye from firing any more.)

Yoongi: “DOOOOORRR!!! No please! I know we didn’t always get along but you were always there for me. A good sturdy door. I will remember you always. I love you door.”

Hobi: “There there, it will be okay sugar. *Sniffle* He really was a good door.”

(A single tear traces its way down yoongi’s cheek. Just then Dylan stirs from under Door.)

Dylan: “Eye language”

(yoongi lifts the door off of dylan, hoseok pounces, 

Hobi: “Of course! True loves kiss will break the curse.”  
(He leans forward and plants a wet one on dylans lips)

Hoseok: “it didn't work. (pout) wait. Yoongi join in let's see if that helps.”

(Yoongi takes the knife out of his pocket and provides to stick it in Dylan's third eye and takes it out like a piece of pineapple in a toothpick.(R.I.P. my aunt Cristiana. Yoongi then pops it in his mouth and starts chewing)

Hobi: “Cmon yoongi! Don’t choke. Here gimme a kiss I'll transfer it to dylan's lips. Then the spell will break I'm sure.”

(yoongi swallows.)

(yoongi is then possessed and starts to juggle random body parts laying on the ground. Hoseock then slaps him and that breaks the spell. True loves slap)

Dylan: (waking up) “Ugh, my head hurts.”

Hobi: “Oh lord i’m so glad you’re alright!”

(a flaming disk of whisky comes flying their way and cuts off at least an inch from both yoongi's and hoseok's skull.)

Hobi: “But I don’t if we’re alright.

(Yoongi and hobi collapse.)

Dylan: “Yoongi? Hobi?”

(He shoves Door off the rest of the way and runs over to his two fiancees.)

Yoongi: “uuugghh. My head hurts so bad. I can’t see. Dylan? Hobi? Where are you?”

Dylan: “I’m here yoongi. We’re both here. Hold on for me. Hold on for us, ok?”

Yoongi: “I-i don’t think I can.”

Hobi: “I’ll try-ah!”

(some more blood gushes out of hobi’s huge wound. It splashes on yoongi, who can’t see due to part of his brain being severed.)

Yoongi: “What was that?! Hobi! Hobi, are you ok?”

Hobi: “I-i’m fine yoongi. Please don’t worry. Stay with us ok?”

Dylan: “Hobi! No! You’re losing so much blood. Don’t leave. Please.”

Hobi: “Don’t worry. I- I’ll be ok. Help y-yoongi.”

Yoongi: “No. Hobi I can feel your blood. Ahh-”(A singe of pain)”Don’t think about me. I won’t make it.

Dylan: “Yoongi, no!

Yoongi: “I love you both so much.”

Dylan: “I love you”

(Yoongi sags)

Hobi: “Yoongi? N-no. I- Dylan I can’t”

Dylan: “No, please don’t leave me all alone hobi. I love you so much.”

Hobi: “I love you too. Both of you. Love you partner.”

(Hobi dies)

(Dylan throws up. Throws himself onto the two and sobs.)

(spotlight moves over to two people fighting mid stage. It is none other than thou jimin and ghosty dudes.)

Jimin: “take that”

(he throws fire everywhere making sure not to hit any live people. The ghosts mostly surround him and start to scatter. But one stays put. Thou is zuko.)

Jimin: “staying to fight my dear lad?”

Zuko: “i am hear to beat u up lol”

Jimin: “fine lil lady lets bounce then”

(they start fighting intently, even though one is using real fire and the other is using ghost fire they seem to be evenly matched.)

jk(from sidelines): “you go jimin!”

(Jimin jumps over the dice of fire that would have chopped his legs off and looks back to wink at jk. He then shoots fireballs from his foot and starts his famous backflip combo moves.)

y/n: “woah they seen to be pretty evenly matched”

hunter : “yeah your right.”

(they are both hovering above the mess before them, a last gift from Jesus before he fled the scene.)

(zuko creates a fire barier around him, jimin takes a jug of tea from the back room and splashes it at zuko's fire shell. In the split moment the fire is put out he hops in. He realizes too late that the circle of flames was smaller than he thought, he and zuko were now UNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE almost touching. He was about to attack when he heard a yell from outside the fire wall. And then a laugh that he could never forget.)

Mr carbs: “ar ar ar arh jimin you thought that you could win.”

(zuko get rid of the fire wall and they break apart, awkwardly. That's when mr krabs attacks, jimin is caught off guard and hardly deflects the hit from mr krabs fire. Then he dodges Zuko's hit, this goes on for about ten minute but by then the boy is tired and dazed and finally he gets hit.)

(Jimin collapses to the ground.)

Jk: “jimIN!!”

(he runs over to his side using his secret ice powers two freeze the blood of both mr krabs and zuko, but since they're already dead it has a different effect. The both roll into the ever looming pit that has now increased 79.456 percent of the room. (jk is good at math too) jimin on the floor burned. Bad. all Jungkook can hear is his thumping heartbeat in his ears and the slight screams coming from around the room.)

Jk: “jimin!!!!” (he is screaming)

(jimin's eyes softly flutter open, his lashes and irises look ethereal from where the ragged pattern of light hits his face.)

Jimin: “kookie…”

Jungkook: “Are you alright!?”  
(Jimin shakes his head solemnly)

Jimin: “I think this is the end for real kookie. Not just a day.”

Jungkook: “Jimin NO! I’m not giving up. What can I do? how can I help?”

Jimin: “Nothing kookie. Just...stay by me, please.”

Jungkook: “But we just found each other! I can’t just let you go like this. So much time loving you for only a day of getting to show that love.”

Jimin: “I know kookie, I know it sucks but we can’t fight it. Let’s try and make this easy.”

Jungkook: “But-but-”(Jungkook can’t get through his sentence because of his sobs.)

Jimin: “Kookie, look at me.” (He uses any strength he had left to grab jungkook’s face and wipe his tears. The two meat eyes.)”I love you. I wish I could have loved you for longer but I am so grateful f-*wince* for the time w-we had. I love you kookie. Let me go.”

Jungkook: “I-i *sob* love you jimin.” 

(Jungkook places a kiss on jimins temple and when he glances at jimin afterwards he know he is gone. He clutches Jimin so tight and let’s the world fade away. Alone with the sound of his sobs.)

End scene


	45. The last scene

The last scene  
(mist and fog starts to fill the stage, as the screaming and sobs slowly fade out you can hear the clip clops of the shoes once again. But this time more early and you can tell that not even all the shoes have survived.)

Shoe 1: clip clop

Erie silence where shoe two's clip clop would fill the air.

Shoe three is gone too

Shoe 4: clip clop

Shoe five is missing

Shoe six: clip clop

Shoe seven: clip clop

Shoe 8 will never be heard again. With that clip clopping the shoes scutter back to whatever hell hole they came from, too embarrassed to be off beat and two sad to find replacement shoes.

(at this point the narrator stands up from her golden stool at the side stares of the stage, her long flowy dress the pattern of corn.)

Narrator: “And so it ends. The remaining people who have miraculously survived the bombing, the earthquake, the ghosts, the flames, and their own brains. They will move on to live a miserable life in Ohio. Forever missing the people they lost and ever wondering about ways that they could have changed the events of that day. In the end isn’t that how life is? You always want to go back in this crazy, mixed up world to fix everything, but it can never be done. Love never wins, throughout any one person's lifetime you will lose those you love, one way or another. Whether it be a dog, your family, or, as expressed in this play, a soulmate. Death is inevitable, can not be pushed back, or postponed. Death is forever, and people waste their only life on something as useless as love. Don’t waste your life on love; waste it on other things, such as fame, or money. As those things can actually bring you closer to true happiness. Love is fickle, the person you love has a brain(sometimes) and can choose not to love you back, but money, money has no brain and will always love you. So when you're offered the choice, always reject love no matter the cost, because money ummm is better.

The end


	46. Arthur note

Arthur note

Written by me, mallory, and only me. Not anu. Anu did not write this.

And me, anu. It was mostly me.

Links death credit to @charlie

Hi! this is us, the authors. Hope you enjoyed this unabridged slimy hard version of our stage play NOSTALGIA. hehe. Anu wont let me write. This was torture to write so you better enjoy it you ungrateful basters. i have put at least a .00004th of my soul into this so…… rate us five stars on the itunes store. And YELP. no, anu u cant write. Aww wait that's sad ok. Thanks. Ear your corn for the month.

Sorry that note was chaotic we were both writing at the same time.

Ok that’s it get outta here.


End file.
